Summing up 8 years of futility in one paragraph

I'm working on my Yankees season preview, but I wanted to follow up my book review with a key excerpt from The Yankee Years:



Ho. Lee. Shit.

I knew it was bad, but that's comically, befuddlingly bad. By hey, we spent a few hundred million on Kevin Brown, Javier Vasquez, Jeff Weaver, Alyssa Milano Pavano, Randy Johnson, and Roger "Oh my goodness gracious" Clemens (2007 edition). So we have that going for us. Which is nice.

Jeetus.

What's wrong with these women?

I want you to take that question seriously. Before you get to the bottom of this post, I want you to figure out what these 6 women have in common, according to some bullshit article I saw about the latest fashion trend. I fucking DARE you to figure this out.

OK, one at a time:


Next:


Next:


Next:


Next:


Next:


OK, stop right here with the scrolling, and start with the thinking. What fashion trend are these women rockin'?

The answer follows....

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Were you thinking that the newest trend is "bushy" eyebrows?




I didn't think so. I hate people.

That's some magical lubricant!

You know, I was going to buy a Nissan GT-R. I figure I've got $75,000 burning a hole in my pocket, why not? Good thing I did the research, though. Turns out the 18K service costs $2,000, and that's if you shop around for your own supplies.

The primary culprit? Ten quarts of tranny fluid. Retailing at $115 per quart, but the guys at Edmunds found it for $85.

I really want to know what's in $115 tranny fluid. It had better involve the blood of aborted fetuses, the tears of the baby jeebus (maybe with a dash of Glenn Beck), and baby seal blubber.

You're gonna love my nuts - the reckoning

Yeah, that's Vince, the ShamWow guy.

The Smoking Gun reports:
Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face... After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. ... While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants.


A shifty TV pitchman is a sleezeball? WATFO? I don't think my innocence can take any more blows like this.

Linkdump

Baseball
The values of sports franchises will plummet. A lot.
Mo's cutter - greatest pitch ever?
Optimizing lineups by The Book.


This is a great ad (Eno is an antacid)


Politics
Why Republicans live in a perpetual state of stupid. What the hell does "pass more socialism" even mean?
The Republican "budget proposal" is getting roundly and justifiably mocked.
Be cure to watch South Park's latest episode, Margaritaville, for a clear explanation of the economy, cults, and more things than you thought you could learn in 22 minutes of animation.

WTFuckery
That's dedication! A 60-year-old woman gets three DWIs in three days.
Artist paints herself having sex with presidents. See her blowing Lincoln! Pegging Buchanan!
Parked cars get speeding tickets.
AIG's risk management execs were not allowed to examine the books!!!!!

Kafkaesque

The Onion goes thinky:



That's some serious funny but you have to rewind and pause a lot, looking for details. Good stuff.

Book thoughts

I couldn't resist picking up The Yankee Years, by Tom Verducci with Joe Torre.

This is a thoroughly enjoyable read, chock full of detail about Torre's 12 years as Yankee manager. An important point: it was, as I suspected, not at all sensationalistic, as the initial reports from the NY tabloids would have had us believe.

I've always enjoyed Verducci's writing with SI, and he doesn't disappoint here. It took a few chapters to get used to the time-jumping, but he ties the jumps together so well that you never ask "what the hell is going on here?"

Highly recommended. I had issues with some of Torre's management style, primarily the "trust" card in the bullpen that led him to overusing certain guys every year to the point that they were useless by October (remember QuanGorMo?), but hey: job security in pro sports, especially with the Yankees, is pretty much nil. He did things his way, was highly successful at it, and went with his convictions, repercussions from the higher-ups be damned. This book makes it crystal clear how fucking difficult that job is.

Next, it's time for my annual re-reading of Ball Four to get geared up for the baseball season. Not only the best baseball book ever written, one of the best books period. In my all-time top 10 for sure, maybe even top 5. I don't think about book lists as much as music lists.

Another quote of the year candidate

Two whoppers in the same week.

John Rogers of Kung Fu Monkey:
"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."

Craigslist follies

I'm selling a bunch of office furniture and supplies on Craigslist.

This is what I got today:

H! I like your post. I am good looking female. I am from Russia and moving to the states shortly
I am looking for a good man to spend my time with and who can show me around
Could you please kindly reply to me at (e-mail address here)
I'll send some pictures of me in reply so you could see who you're talking to
Could you reply to my email account I am giving in the message as I am writing from my work email which i don't normally check

Sure lady, but the file cabinet still costs $75.

UPDATE: Just checked my personal e-mail, and have 3 more of these, all different names and different nonsense gmail addresses. Great.

Quote of the year candidate

"Geithner isn't Michael Brown. He's Hurricane Katrina."

Ouch!

Great commercial? Or the greatest commercial?

Lindsay Lohan needs to earn her coke money somehow, and acting sure ain't gonna do it.



Does anyone know what's going on here? And can you imagine a worse reading of anything? She was given a whopping 9 12 words and still couldn't add any punch, passion, personality, sass, sexy, anything.

Numbers and pictures, oh my

I guess it's a good time to be a graphic artist with an understanding of finance.

The whole site will prove to be quite the time-suck when I get a chance.

(h/t Sully)

The Rat Pack

Last weekend we went to see The Rat Pack - Live at the Sands.

Great, great show. The performers were quite convincing, but Erica and I disagreed on our rankings. When we spoke at intermission, Erica liked "Dean" the least, while I thought he was the best, by my "close your eyes" test. Erica thought "Sammy" was really good, and I liked him least. "Frank" was fantastic, and truly looked the part too.

The setlist:
Luck Be a Lady - Frank
The Lady is a Tramp - Frank
I've Got You Under My Skim - Frank
For Once in a Lifetime - Sammy
That Old Black Magic - Sammy
Mr. Bojangles* - Sammy
It Don't Mean a Thing - Burelli Sisters
That's Amore - Dean
Sway - Dean
Everybody Loves Somebody - Dean
Angel Eyes - Frank
Falling in Love Again - Sammy
Shall We Dance - Dean and Sammy
Style - Dean, Frank, and Sammy
New York, New York - Dean, Frank, and Sammy & the Burelli Sisters

intermission

When You're Drinking - Dean
Volare - Dean
An Evening in Roma - Dean
My Kind of Town - Frank
Fly Me to the Moon - Frank
Too Close for Comfort - Sammy
Me and My Shadow - Frank and Sammy, then Dean and Frank
What Kind of Fool Am I? - Sammy
Medley - Dean, Frank, and Sammy
I Can't Give You Anything but Love
Too Marvelous for Words
Pennies From Heaven
A Foggy Day
Birth of the Blues
Mack the Knife - Frank
That's Life - Dean, Frank, and Sammy & the Burelli Sisters
My Way - Frank

Hell of a show.

The banter was pitch-perfect too, which was quite interesting. I'd describe it as friendly ball-busting of a quite un-PC nature, with a couple of the one-liners even making me think "wow." Stuff that wouldn't have raised an eyebrow in the 60s and 70s, certainly, but a little jarring to hear today. Most of the crowd got it, as the laughter had a tinge of hesitance/discomfort to it, but of course there were a couple people who enjoyed jokes at Sammy's expense a little too much, if you know what I mean.

The band was amazing, and the sound at Proctor's is impressive. It doesn't have a reputation like Troy Savings Bank Music Hall does, but I found it to be quite warm, and perfect for this kind of music. The drums were crisp, the brass sparkled, and the bandleader's piano was mixed to the forefront just right.

A wonderful experience, overall.

*An otherwise touching song that has the laziest, stupidest, most ridiculously laughable line in the history of lyrics. I seriously hate this song because of 9 words. I almost laughed at the concert when "Sammy" sang the line, but managed to control myself. "The dog up and died, he up and died." Really? That's all you've got? It's supposed to be sad, but it comes out like a joke.

My St. Patty's Day contribution

Thank you!

It doesn't take cancer to saddle you with thousands and thousands of dollars of medical bills you can't pay.

This guy gets it.

(h/t Benen)

The funniest thing you'll see this year

Bracketology, funny name style.

In case you were wondering why our government sucks

This woman is in CONGRESS!

Another story

Sullivan has another killer recession story.

I owe Fridge a beer for this one

This is the greatest thing in the history of things.


"Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML"

"Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML"

"Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML"

"Today, my mom came to me and asked if I had drank her wine. I'm 16, so I lied and said "no". The next morning there was a DVD on my bed labeled "pool house security cameras- love mom." It was a video of me downing two bottles of red wine and having sex with my boyfriend. FML"


Misery loves company, I guess. Then I think, we're all in the same boat, more or less. Or as TJ says, "All that shit that happens in soap operas? It happens in real life, just not to the same people every week."

So yeah, I actually find this uplifting in a way. How can you be all "woe is me" while scrolling through this shit?

Cramer vs. CramStewart

Yesterday's Daily Show was more journalism in 1/2 an hour than has been on CNN, Fox, and MSNBC in that past 8 years combined.

Stewart really did mop the floor with Cramer. I think the main reason for that is that Cramer is not the beast that his co-workers are. He is contrite, he does acknowledge the mistakes, and hey, he's the only one out of all of them with the stones to actually show up for that! Remember how Santelli chicken-shitted his way out of an appearance last week?

There are a couple points that Cramer could have fought back on a little better, but overall, he was overmatched because he had nothing in his or CNBC's defense. Justifiably so.

Here is the full interview, not the edited version.

(I had to remove the videos from here, they kept crashing my browser)