Friday, February 29, 2008

Drink time!

This is what Erica's students made for her, for the weekend.



A marteeny and a bunny. What else does one need?

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Great "banned" commercials

For some reason, this didn't make the cut for the Super Bowl.



OK, TJ pointed this out in comments. I didn't browse the "related videos" section last night, I was just kind of goofing off before going to bed.

This one is even better.

Flash games

(OK, I'm sick of that stupid Whip sound, so this is gone.)

Go to gimme5games.com for many more.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

3, 2, Yeahahayyahah!

Watch this all the way through...

Good morning!

2.5 hour commute last night, and just didn't feel like snowblowing, especially because they hadn't plowed yet. I wasn't going to spend all that time cleaning up, just to have to go out again to clean up the 4-foot plow ridge.

So.... up-'n-at-'em bright and early this morning.
















Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Today in unfortunate juxtapositions



This one from CNN.com is morbidly amusing.

That would just be my fucking luck, too. Wake up in a hospital bed, "Oh man, this is embarrassing."

Monday, February 25, 2008

While the rich get richer...

Tax code changes will make 2007 the last year for:

• The tuition and fees deduction. Bummer if you have a kid in college or are doing continuing education for a better degree.
• But the teachers get screwed too. This is the last year for the educator expense deduction, which lets schoolteachers to write off up to $250 in out-of-pocket classroom expenses.
• And this is the last year to claim breaks on home energy improvement purchases. This means more energy efficient windows, water heaters, etc.

It gets more and more obscene.

h/t Quixote.

Jimmy answers Sarah

Now that's some star power.




I really hope this "feud" continues.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Oscars!

Yes, folks, it's time for awards for movies and performances I've never seen!
(Note: post-event edits are in blue. I was going pretty much unedited - except for typos - during the show.)

Toast is under the weather, so he won't be handling this awards show. I'm not sure how "active" this live-blog attempt will be, because I'm stuck in the basement while Erica uses her laptop for school and work-related purposes. But I'll give it my best shot.

7:00 - 8:00 - FSM, I hate Barbara Walters. Mr. Ford, banging the younger actress isn't enough? You have to wear that earring too? That was friggin' stupid-looking. Yes, I wore one too. When I was 20.

8:02 - That's a hot looking babe there, with Mr. Clooney. Apparently, her name is Sarah.

8:08 - OK, I'll say it. I love Regis. He's got the perfect balance of professionalism and not taking himself seriously. And he's fucking funny, when interacting with fellow smart and funny people (for example, he and Letterman just crack my ass up). But still, I have to say this is beneath him. Yes, I know he used to do this years ago, and this was widely touted as REGIS' RETURN TO THE RED CARPET!!!!!!

8:13 - Jennifer Garner, bringin' it. And still fucking Ben Affleck. Strange.

8:15 - I hate actors who don't watch their movies after they're filmed. Fuck, I'd be chomping at the bit to find out how all that effort added up. Now, I'm also ridiculously self-critical, so I can totally see myself cringing at everything I did, but still, I want to see the movie I was part of. This detachment strikes me as very phony.

OMISSION - I guess I was too busy typing to notice, but at every blog I'm following, D D-L's wife's/date's attired is getting slammed, even by Tracy here. Fuck, I missed it.

8:22 - Still haven't seen Juno, but that girl is sure a cutie. And I am an old lech. I LURRRRVVVVV me some Hilary Swank. And to think, she was in KK3. Love those laugh lines (and crow's feet). Stay away from the botox, Hilary. Don't be assimilated into the Borg.

8:30 - 8:42 - Very cool intro. Obviously, the technical side of this has been in the works regardless of the writers' situation. I'm glad it got resolved in time. Kate Blanchett is unFSMly gorgeous. Jon's had some nice lines so far. AWESOME slam on Norbit. Gaydolph Titler is a winner. Overall, weak monologue. Funny, but not in Billy Crystal/Steve Martin territory. Also, no where near as good as the first time Stewart did it.

8:48 - Oh, yeah, Ellen did an AMAZING job. I hope she's still in the rotation. She is by far my favorite female comedian, and definitely in the top 5 overall.

8:50 - Nice retrospective there, but WHY CELINE DION!?!?!?!?!?!?! Also, I'm sure they had a lot of this stuff in the can just in case there were no writers to do stupid teleprompter jokes, but I hope there isn't too much of it. Still, I always get chills at this sappy stuff.

8:53 - Steve Carrell is always funny.

8:54 - Still haven't seen Ratatoullie. Damn job and stuff, not allowing me to plow through 10 movies a month. It's on the queueueueue somewhere.

8:57 - Heigl is a cutie too. But can you really be that nervous reading shit off a screen?

8:58 - Blah blah blah. DAMN, they gave her no time... Must be because of their privilege. Or maybe because no one gives a shit. Conti, you BASTARD!!!

8:59 - OK, I apologize for that last comment. Must be the ouzo talking. And the bitterness.

9:01 - I'm calling it right now. This song should not win any award for anything. Unless it's a Razzie.

9:05 - Good time for commercials. I picked a scab, and now I'm bleeding profusely.

9:07 - Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?

9:11 - Bleeding update. It's right on the bridge of my nose, so I'm just going to let it flow and see if I can freak the wife out. ZOMBIE!!!!!

9:13 - Hey! A real award!! Damn, I am a fucking sap! Retrospectives and cheesy string music always give me goosebumps. And well, Cuba, it's been all downhill from there, hasn't it? You know what? It's OK to say "no." "No, I will not do another stupid family movie. Or gay cruise movie. Or... whatever." OK, great list of actors here. I have seen none of these movies, but it does not really seem like you can lose with these choices. Wow. Hal Holbrook. Great career, with not a shred of stardom. Love those type of actors. OK, crazy killer takes the award. Hey, anything the Coen brothers do is good, so I'm not going to argue.

9:22 - Stewart confirms my worst fears. Without the writers, we'd have montage hell. OK, that was truly funny.

9:25 - Music from the Oscars. Um, pee-break. Also, I have to proof a paper Erica wrote. I'm a master editor.

9:40 - OK, we're back. Wife is done working, so we're together on the couch, and I have her laptop now. Again, I can't comment on the performances themselves, since we've seen none of the movies, but just going on name recognition alone, and pre-Oscar predictions, Tilda Swinton seems to be kind of an upset.

9:45 - From the wife: Jessica Alba just barely passed Hooked on Phonics. I must agree.

9:48 - Go Coens!!!!

9:50 - OK, if they throw an anti-piracy screed into this "process" mini-doc, I'm gonna have to choke a bitch. (Maybe too inside there. I've been thinking I need to re-watch that Wayne Brady skit on Chappelle Show. That was insane.)

9:52 - Fuck you, Haloscan.

9:53 - Hannah!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG!

9:55 - Erica thinks these are all recycled bridemaids' dresses.

10:01 - Nice baby gag there.

10:03 - Sound editing is one of those things that you only notice when it's bad.

10:07 - Erica wants to grow a beard so she can look like Halle Berry too.

10:10 - Hey! Forest Whitaker is sober! You know why they save the male awards until later? It's the patriarchy. Anyway, another upset, based on the predictions.

10:20 - Erica thinks Colin Ferrell is "skeevy hot."

10:28 - SQUINCHY!!!!! I'd still fuck her.

10:32 - Now it's time for a montage!!!

10:44 - "Versatile and handsome." In the context of this circle-jerk, that's almost a backhanded compliment. (This was about Patrick Dempsey.)

10:45 - OK, how did none of Eddie Vedder's songs from Into the Wild get nominated?

10:51 - I HATE when the first person talks so much that the second person gets shut out. And, all jokes aside, why does the guy always go first? Seriously, in that situation, if I went first, I'd be the most chivalrous fuck on the planet. Thanks, thanks, thanks, here take the microphone.

10:56 - ROCK THE FUCK ON, Jon Stewart. He has earned major sex coupons with the wife tonight. That was possibly the best thing I've ever seen on the Oscars. Fuck you, speech-timers!

11:10 - Big-name wise, other than 3 people, that was a pretty minor death-list. So disappointing, I actually look forward to the tear-jerker portion of the evening. (Bergman, Kerr, Ledger)

OMISSION: Somehow I missed the Best Actress award. I see it went to the French actress in La Vie en Rose. I might have been in the bathroom, or in transition between my computer and the wife's laptop. I guess that was an upset too. Interesting evening.

11:15 - Hey, didja notice that 4 out of 5 original scores were by Italians? I think that says something about how our education system ignores the arts. (The more I think about it, the more I realize how many Italian movie scorers I can name. This country really needs to appreciate artists as much as it does businesspeople and athletes. Sure, someone needs to make a billion dollars with a truly good product. Sure, someone needs to make a great athletic play that we'll talk about for generations. But someone also needs to compose a beautiful piece of music, and paint a beautiful painting, and be famous for it. I'm not saying it isn't done by Americans, but it sure isn't known by Americans.)

11:18 - I hope Tracy woke Toast up for Tom Hanks. Toast luuurrrvvvvsss him some Tom Hanks.

11:30 - OK, this is another big'un. Again, I haven't seen any of them, but look forward to them. Will the upset trend continue? Nope. Daniel Day-Lewis. Certainly a favorite. Didn't I see that hair on some other guy, about 5 years ago? Help me out here, folks. Johnny Depp?

11:45 - We're on DVR-pause delay here. Martin Scorcese has looked exactly the same for 20 years now. COENS! YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Those guys are infallible, in my book.

11:48 - OK, Erica's going black (Denzel). I just hope she comes back. "He's just yummy." Duly noted.

11:50 - Awesome. Truly awesome. The Coens are the best we have, if you look at body of work. I love this evening. And no Herbie Hancock in sight. Maybe now I should go and watch these movies. I think in two months I'll do an Oscars-redux post, with retroactive opinions.

254 comments! To put that into perspective, that tops any month I've had so far. Thanks to all the Toasters for joining me.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Terrible

White Supremacist rambles on about his wife cheating on him over 10 days of updating the same blog post.

Murder-suicide follows.

What does this have to do with anything? I don't know. One thing that comes to mind, when I see stuff like this, is that there is so much crazy on public display that law enforcement can do nothing about. What exactly is illegal wiretapping of everyone going to accomplish?

(Yes, I understand the difference between a lone-wolf operation [or someone just snapping] and a conspiracy, which, by definition, would require communication between two or more parties.)

Friday, February 22, 2008

Quote of the year?

Hanging out in the Shakesville Friday Night Virtual Pub, and somehow the conversation got to Smurfs, and Smurf Fetishists and Smurf fanfic.

Someone asked "There is such a thing?"

The reply?

"It's the general rule of the internet. If you can imagine it, there's a site about fucking it."

That's a winner right there.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

It's people!

I'll stick with Nexcare, thanks.
It is applied to the sore by a physician during a brief inpatient procedure. It eventually integrates into the wound, and helps it heal by encouraging other cells to generate more healthy cells.

The practice has been controversial because the basic material for Apligraf is human foreskin from circumcised baby boys.

More GOP follies

Morals!!!

GOP judge arrested for DUI. Wearing a dress. Which, for normal people, who cares? About the dress part, I mean.


GOP anti-porn crusader! With, natch, child porn on his computers. Little League coach, too...

Monday, February 18, 2008

Well, yeah, but who else are you taking?

FJM has tons of fun with the OUTRAGE over the statistical analysis that shows how bad a fielder Jeter is.

Now, I'm a true-blue fan of the Yanks, have been since I was 5 or so. But I can also admit that his numbers, no matter how you slice them, are horrendous.

I still can't think of anyone I'd rather have on my team, at SS.

The better fielders are crap hitters (e.g. Adam Everett, the best SS glove out there, but has no stick), and the better hitters are OK, and not worth what he's worth. Yes, I know, I'm pulling an intangible here.

I'm not getting into numbers right now, I'll save the true geekery until March. Also, it's 10:30 and I'm drunk. I don't have an hour to put together the reasoning to at least soften my admitted bias.

If any Yankee fan wants to disagree with the facts, I'll just offer this, for now. You know that pivot-jump-throw that sends Michael Kay into paroxysms of joy? That's only necessary because Jeter doesn't get to the ball in time in the first place!! Everett would have fielded the ball, set his feet, and made just another ho-hum out. I watch 160+ Yankee games a year, and don't miss Baseball Tonight. I see almost every play. It's fucking undeniable. You know why his fielding average is good? Because errors only get marked when you touch the ball and fail. So, he takes two steps, waves weakly, and the ball is fielded by Gojira or Melky. No error. Also, no range factor.

Seriously, read The Fielding Bible. It'll do you some good.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Let them eat (tainted) beef!

The Dark Wraith has an excellent idea for conservatives.

Seriously, that's awesome. Send out a few pounds to all registered Republicans.

"Here you go! Free market beef, bitchez."

Successories




I love the parodies. Thanks to Tracy for these.

Caps Lock is the winner here. With Epic Fail a close second. Vagina is a classic, but I've seen it a million times.

Science!



For more information...

Saturday, February 16, 2008

So, after we reclaim our nation from the rethuglicans...

...can we then work on purging the fucking cops?

I sure hope so.

The rate at which people are being Tasered (and die from it) is on a steady climb (freakin' 5 people died in January alone). Here are some videos for your viewing displeasure.

There's no doubt in my mind (though I'm not sure how to go about proving the correlation) that a lawless administration has only exacerbated the problem with a police force that has always been a largely corrupt element of society.

Where is the outrage? Are people still too busy with the TERRA TERRA TERRA calls from Preznit Fucknuts. I don't think so. Maybe 25% of the population is still stupid enough to give a shit about what comes out of that asshole's mouth any more. What's wrong with the rest of us?


UPDATE: more from the Dark Wraith. Now we throw paraplegics out of their wheelchairs and onto the floor. You know, just because.

Why yes, I am happy to see you

Toast gets an excellent V-Day present.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Crash. Boom. Bang.

Depression, anyone?

h/t Atrios.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Roger

So, has Roger Clemens received any back-room assurances that he'll get the Scooter Libby treatment?

Sure is possible, considering how divided along party lines the hearings were on Wednesday. Republicans attacked McNamee (and slurped Clemens) across the board. Could that be because Clemens is from Texas. Perhaps?

Those hearings were great comedy. I had ESPN radio on, so I could listen to Mike & Mike, Colin Cowherd, and Mike Tirico play just the most important soundbites, and I had the hearings themselves on TV, muted, just to check out body language. Oh, yeah, I was working from home because I had a doctor appointment, and we had that huge snow/ice/rain/sleet clusterfucktastrophe. There was no way I was spending two hours in a car heading to work, and two hours heading back. I put in a full work day here, even counting the time running errands.

Fun facts!

TJ passed along this fascinating account of John McCain's philandering.

Meme!

Toast has another one, that Bill actually had up a few weeks ago, but I forgot to propagate.

1. Grab the nearest book (that is at least 123 pages long).
2. Open to p. 123.
3. Go down to the 5th sentence.
4. Type in the following 3 sentences.
5. Tag five people.

At work:
¡Fantástico! Me gustaría tomarme un minuto para contarle sobre la Promoción Póquer de Productos. (Explique la promoción). ¿Le gustaría agregar algún artículo adicional para poder aprovechar la oferta?

From the Spanish version of Business Fundamentals for Salon & Spa Professionals (Teacher's Guide).


At Home:
Weishaupt's "illumination" & Voltaire's "enlightenment": from the Latin "lux" meaning light.
Christianity all in 3s (Trinity, etc.), Buddhism in 4s. Illuminatism in 5s.

From The Illuminatus Trilogy.

Monday, February 11, 2008

I love YouTube

10 worst celebrity interviews

The ethanol scam, and other links

TRex has an excellent post summarizing all the recent developments in ethanol. Tons of links.

Fridge finds the perfect name for the Manning-to-Tyree play last weekend.

KSK has some fake cheerleader bios. Rips Tiki a new one. And leads us to one of the greatest comment threads of all time. Damn, Patriots fans suck.

St. Louis pitcher Chris Carpenter, with an amazing Yogism. It's a thing of beauty.


"...when - not if - martial law is declared" in America. So, y'all still think you're voting in November?


More Republican sex scandals. But he's not gay though.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

This evening in trainwrecks

Toast liveblogged the Grammy Awards rather entertainingly.

Overall, we disagree on the music/talk ratio of the content. I want to see more performances and less chatter, especially the stupid teleprompter "banter" and bad jokes. Nothing better than live music.

My stand-out moments:

Cranking up the volume on my home theater in anticipation of the Foo doing Pretender, only to have to endure the worst sound mix I think I've ever heard on TV. The only five minutes of the show I actually anticipated, and they fucked it up.

Tina Turner squeezing herself into a silver thing at least 4 sizes too small, and trying to move like she did 20 and 40 years ago.

Aretha Franklin wearing the same yellow tent she wore 2.5 months ago, in this post.


Amy Winehouse. Ho. Lee. Shit. The sad thing is, her excessive abuses have actually robbed her of her talent. No timing, no rhythm, no tone, and she missed her key a lot too. She seemed like she was reading straight off a teleprompter. Awful. Her backup singers can fucking move though. And I must admit I was touched by her utter shock and the celebration with her bandmates upon winning.

Josh Groban and Andrea Boccelli in the battle for who can be most emo of the mediocre opera wanna-bes.

Jerry Lee Lewis, who I love, and whose last album was very good, looking really pissed off that they pulled him away from the buffet. I lost track of chins and jowels. Little Richard can still rock that falsetto. Impressive. I wonder if all the facelifts helped.

will.I.am with the most ridiculously bad rap I've ever heard. Highest of high comedy. I can't wait until that's up on YouTube.

Has an album less people heard of ever won the Album of the Year?

Babes!

Jadi
Samantha
Toast's girl Ariel
Victoria

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Still laughing two days later

A couple days ago, Shakesville's Question of the Day was "What was the best insult you've ever received?"

In comments was this gem:
A friend of of my husband's got this in a student evaluation:
"Professor smarty-pants acts like she knows more than the rest of us just because she has a Ph.D."

I am a nerd


This was a VERY tough quiz.

Found at Toast's place, and he found it at Kona's place.

I missed #1, #5, and #22.

I don't do myspace, I don't upload to YouTube, and I didn't know what OSI was until I looked it up after the quiz.

Not bad.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Why yes, your logo does look like a giant turd...

Um, maybe someone should have vetted this idea further.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

NFL Update

TMQ has a good weekend post about the Belicheat taping issues.

I see where he's coming from about the why government can get involved, it's just that I don't want that to happen. I still think this should remain an internal matter.

Now, maybe the only thing that can get Walsh to talk (while being protected from breaking his NDA with the Pats) is a subpeona, and the threat of jail. But I really don't think it has to go that far.

Just an opinion.

I can only hope, though, that in addition to this wonderfully humiliating loss, the Pats lose more draft picks, more millions in fines, and all credibility in terms of their success in the Oughts.

That would be stupendous.

UPDATE!!!
This brilliant post right here spells out how ridiculous any government involvement in the NFL would be.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Some observations

Only 91 rushing yards for the Giants, 45 for the Pats.

Only one field goal attempt the whole game.

The mighty QB Class of 2004 is 2-0 in Super Bowls. Elway/Kelly/Marino went 2-8, after starting 0-8. I don't know what kind of stats Manning/Rivers/Roethlisberger will accumulate over their careers, but you can't argue with the way they've started. I look forward to revisiting this topic in 10 years.

Emmitt: A loss tonight, and the loss that they went through today...

It's just too easy.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Oh, Emmitt. Oh, Dreamboat.

OK, that was the best non-Steeler Super Bowl ever.

Overall, the ads were weak. I liked the FedEx carrier pigeons, the e*trade baby, and a couple others.

As enjoyable as it was to see the Cheating Fucking Patriots go down, I realize I have to take the bad with the good. And the bad is, I still have to put up with Shula, Buoniconti, and Mercury Fucking Morris until they're stone cold dead. And I hate that. So I can only hope that they just die and go away soon.

Emmit Smith just told me that the Patriots offense was "debacled." I shit you not. "Their defense did a good job, but their offense was... debacled." No, really, KSK wasn't kidding when they wrote this post and this post. He's speaking again, and I still have no fucking idea what he's talking about. He's a savant of some sort.

And how did I forget: Bill Simmons' next article will be the best ever. I can't wait. I really can't wait.

More linkage

Gay!!!

Freedom!!!

Super Sunday

I got up at 6 am today, to watch Mike & Mike do their first Sunday show. Good times.

I napped in and out of it, because I didn't fall asleep until 3am, but I also DVRed it so I could go back and catch the stuff I missed.

They had on Arlen Specter (R-Assholevania) and Roger Goodell (Commissioner-NFL).

I know, you'll never believe this, but every slimy word the oozed out of Specter's mouth sounded like rehearsed stump-speech grandstanding in an election year. And don't get me started on ANY Republican talking about "integrity."

Gooddell was strong, straightforward, business-like, and most importantly, human. The particular case they investigated was closed, satisfactorily. Remember, while whatever went down was no doubt shady, it was not illegal. No Congress-scum from either party has any business here.

Now, don't get me wrong, I hoping the latest developments regarding the taping before Rams-Pats Super Bowl result in something meatier, some unquestionably strong asterisk on the Pats dynasty. Once again, though, that's the NFL's and the fans' business. Unless, of course, politicians want to come out and claim that they're protecting gamblers' interests when they talk about the integrity of the game. That would be some good theater.

I am not, in any way, absolving the Pats of their cheating ways. People who say "well, it doesn't impact this season because they were stopped after the first game" are complete idiots. This has been going on for years. They had miles of tape. And if you don't know the story of the savant behind the Belichick "genius," you don't have any idea what kind of competitive advantage they had. Ernie Adams still has years worth of illicit tape in his head, no matter what happened to the actual magnetic media.

Anyway, I look forward to further delving into the depths of the Belicheat era. Just not by politicians.

Quick Hits

I've got some work to do before I sit on my ass for the Super Bowl (don't forget to join us on the Virtual Couch!), but here are some interesting things:

An excellent analysis on why newspapers are failing. The indictments fly fast and furious, and they're all well deserved. Especially Wall Street. As news media became consolidated and corporatized, publishers became more interested in meeting this quarter's earnings and growth targets, instead of paying actual reporters and critics. There is nothing in my local paper (at about $150 a year) that I didn't already read online the day before. The only thing I miss is the comics page. I took care of that with a $12.95 annual subscription to comics.com. Sure, I could read all the strips I like for free, but that would entail about 50 clicks. Instead, I have a home page on which 25+ comics are consolidated for me.

If you've never heard of 2 Girls 1 Cup, consider yourself lucky. If you've heard of it but never seen it, consider yourself blessed, and be thankful for your a) self-control or b) lack of curiosity. In my case, it's A. I know what it is, and while I am curious, I'm not stupid. There are certain things you can't unsee. It is the pretty much the only thing out there in that genre of gross-out internet content that I haven't seen, and that is by design. I suggest you follow my lead on that one. On the other hand you MUST watch this slideshow, little filmclips of people watching 2G1C for the first time. A brilliant, if sadistic, little experiment. I've watched each of these people two or three times, and it gets better each time. Absolutely incredible.

This is old news by now, as it spread ridiculously fast, but just in case you haven't seen it, you're welcome. Hell, even if you've seen it, watch it again. I'm well over a dozen times already, and it still hasn't gotten old. I love Sarah Silverman, and major major props to Matt Damon (MATT DAMON!) for being such a shithead (and I mean that in the good way). Wiseasses rule.



Another must-see, is this political ad. So to speak. I don't even know if I should call it an ad, because it doesn't appear to be directly linked to Obama, and he doesn't do that "and I approve of this message" at the end. Brilliantly executed, and quite powerful. As Furious says, this would be the most talked-about Super Bowl ad of all time, if they could get it on.

Here's the YouTube version, in case you have trouble with the main link. I suggest watching it at DipDive if you can as it's much cleaner video. YouTube does some serious compression.

Friday, February 01, 2008

O. M. F. S. M.

Nerd + philosophy = genius.