Nectar of the Gods

This was absolutely worth the $140,000 worth of wood for the barrel.

This will surely be a PR success

Because you're FAT, ladies!!!!

"Attention, Wal-Mart shoppers: the mega retailer is currently doing massive reductions on women's self-esteem, moving the Wii Fit advertising kiosks from the electronics department to women's clothing. A diabolical tactic!

Yes, that's a full length body mirror adjacent to the Wii Fit kiosk, a deviously placed hint that's not so subtly telling Wal-Mart shoppers "Hey, time to put the Oreo Double Stufs down and get some Wii Fit yoga done, chubs."

Wow. What is it called when you laugh and cringe at the same time?

Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life - the conclusioning

I have the skillz that pay the billz!

I'm sure you have been jonesing to find out what happened since my last fantasy summary post.

After a frustrating bye week, the Fucknecks kicked some major ass, dispatching Fridge's Authoriteh with ease in the semis, and ruthlessly crushing Toast's Problem Child in the finals.



I had a 2 point lead going into Sunday night's big game, with Darren Sproles still to play, while Toast had Eddie Royal. This truly could have gone either way. Except... DENVER SUCKS! It turned into a laugher as Sproles relieved LDT and scored two garbage time touchdowns and a accumulated an Imperial buttload of yards.

And when, you ask, did I make the genius move of putting Sproles in my lineup? Oh, about 5 minutes after I picked him up the day before the game, prepping my roster early because I'd be on a plane when the games started!



I'm a genius, I tell you. Anyway, real happy with this one. League's point leader, overall best record, and now champion. All after losing my #1 pick 8 minutes into the season. Who would have thunk that juggling Matt Ryan, Kyle Orton, Matt Cassel, and Joe Flacco would lead me to a good fantasy year?

My team MVP? Tough call, but I'll go with Michael Turner, because Brandon Jacobs was hurt too much this year.


In my other league, I... WON!!!

Yes, Learn to Logic rode a 6th seed (7-7 regular season) playoff invite to my second title in three leagues.


The Corn Snakes went down in a blaze of suck, with only her kicker and Defense scoring in double digits.


Hey, that Sproles character seems familiar... and you know your league has a whack scoring system when the Cutlerfucker can score you 43 points with an 8745-interception performance.

Fantasy is always fun, if for nothing else than opportunity to talk smack with your leaguemates, and March can't come soon enough.

Is it baseball season yet? I need to find myself a second league, because being in just Toast's Blue States Baseball League won't be enough.

Owls (Three different ones)

-----------------

Duuuuuuude....



-----------------

Down boy



-----------------

That, and more silliness at Wired.

Dude. Moisturizer.

And a hamburger.

Donatella Versace, in 2005, at age 50:



Donatella Versace in 2008, at age 53:


Can we ban the fashion industry already? I can't find any evidence online that she is physically ill. But there is obviously something wrong.

UPDATE: Like Chris said, this must be an eating disorder. I'll make fun of her horrendous collagen job and boob job until the cows come home, but as far as the three years of emaciation go, this woman needs help, not sycophants.

Monkeys

A winner from ICHC.

Jiggity jig

Just flew back from Greece, and boy are my arms tired.

Spreads for week 6

@ATL 14.5 STL
NE 6.5 @BUF
@CIN 3 KC
@GB 9.5 DET
@HOU Pk CHI
TEN 3 @IND
@MIN 6.5 NYG
CAR 3 @NO
@PIT 10.5 CLE
@TB 13 OAK
@BAL 12.5 JAX
@NYJ 3 MIA
@PHI 1.5 DAL
@ARZ 6 SEA
@SF 3 WAS
@SD 8 DEN

March can't get here soon enough

In the spirit of Christmas, here are some baseball links.

Shysterball on the silly annual exercise of bemoaning the Yankee payroll. Smart comments too.

On a related note, people who are bitching about Yankee spending don't seem to be mentioning the fact that $77 million came off the books this offseason.

Yankees by the numbers.

On the ethics of not signing Barry Bonds. Can we please not endure this line of questioning again this season?

Is it getting drafty? Yes, yes it is.

Sorry, the Yankees haven't been the "team to beat" in a while now. Yes, I like that they signed two very good players still in their twenties for a change, but let's calm down here. Soon we'll have Buster Olney and Toast exclaiming "the Yankees could score 1000 runs this year!" again. Just like every year.

Speaking of Buster, many good points here.

Doug Glanville on winter ball. Very well done.

Give this man a job.

Projecting the Mets.

Phew. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Movie meme

This one has been going around, so what the heck.

Sure enough, my number is lower than most. Only 71. I'm just not that into movies, especially not the stuff on this list.

Like Toast, I'll also indicate what I want to or plan to see (it may even be in my queueue), and what I have LESS THAN ZERO interest in seeing. Green for the former, red for the latter. Everything else probably won't ever be seen, but not because of any aversion, mostly just apathy.


(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG [all versions, including King Kong Vs. Godzilla]
( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(X) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving -MAS
( ) Flubber (orignal only)
(X) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(X) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(X) Hellboy
(X) Secret Window
(X) I Am Sam
(X) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(X) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(X) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
(X) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
(X) Ocean's Eleven
(X) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled (original only)
(X) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
( ) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
(X) Independence Day
(X) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(X) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
( ) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(X) The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
(X) X-Men
(X) X2
( ) X-3
(X) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Little Mermaid
(X) Freaky Friday (original only)
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
( ) Shrek
( ) Shrek 2
( ) Swimfan
(X) Miracle on 34th street (never all at once)
(X) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Kippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(X) The 40-year-old-virgin
(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
(X) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
(X) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
( ) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(X) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
(X) Dawn of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(X) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(X) Army of Darkness
(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
(X) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
(X) Animatrix
(X) Evil Dead
(X) Evil Dead 2
(X) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
(X) Hannibal
( ) Battle Royale
( ) Battle Royale 2
(X) Brazil
(X) Contact
( ) Cube
(X) Dr. Strangelove
( ) Enlightenment Guaranteed
( ) Four Rooms
( ) Memento
(X) Pi
( ) Requiem for a Dream
(X) Pulp Fiction
( ) Reservoir Dogs
( ) Run Lola Run
( ) Russian Ark
( ) Serenity
( ) Sin City
(X) Snatch
( ) Spider
(X) The Sixth Sense
( ) The Village
( ) Waking Life
( ) Zatoichi
( ) Ikiru
(X) The Seven Samurai
( ) Brick
(X) Akira

See Fridge, Toast, Fridge's brother, Mr Furious.

Of course

I was thinking about this song the other day, and Atrios saved me the trouble of looking for it.



That last verse just kills me.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks - Week 5

Chemist's suckitude knows no bounds. And WTF kind of game was that, Eagles?

The eagle has landed

The drive to NYC was pretty bad, but the weather at the airport was fine.

Except for the the 2-hour delay and the tiny tiny tiny tiny seats, probably the narrowest I've ever seen, the flight was uneventful.

Slept enough to be awake today, since we landed at 10:30 am.

Yay ass-writing!

That's really bigger and glitterier than it looks.

The anti-LOL

Fuck you, penguin.

Linkdump

Bill has some excellent beers to talk about.

And a funny kid story.

Best journalism of 2008.

The 5th anniversary of KSK's matron saint. I want to kiss you.

Racism as concern-trolling.

The clean energy scam? (haven't read this yet, just printed it out for the "office")

You knew this was coming. After the Prop 8 fucks won that battle, they now want to invalidate 18,000 marriages that did happen. Fucking fuck. More. More.

A beautifully-written appeal to Obama, on the matter of Rick Warren.

A decent, though somewhat incomplete, article on the mortgage disaster.

Christmas carols

That's pretty creative, right there.

(h/t Sully)

And the Palin nightmare gets funnier

Levi Johnston's mother arrested on felony drug charges.

Another Wasilla entrepreneur meth lab goes down.

UPDATE: Hillbilly Heroin! I wonder if she and Rush Limbaugh hang out?

With his name in lights...

JoePoz makes the cover of SI.

Well-deserved.

Snow

Damn!

It came as advertised, starting right at noon and dumping at least two inches per hour. The Northway was brutal, the side roads worse.

Erica and I are safe and warm, she after a 2.5-hour drive and me 1.25. She wasn't too happy about that. She called me at work to tell me she was hitting the road. I left an hour later and beat her home. It took her that whole hour to get to exit 7, from Albany. When she called me, I was just getting to exit 8.

Heh.

Spreads for SCLPL Week 5

Favored	Ind	Dal	Cle	NO	Pit	Mia	SF	NE	TB	Den	Hou	NYJ	Min	Phi	NYG	Chi
Spread	6.0	4.0	3.0	7.0	2.0	4.0	5.5	7.5	3.5	7.0	7.0	4.5	3.5	5.0	3.0	4.0
Underdog	Jac	Bal	Cin	Det	Ten	KC	StL	Ari	SD	Buf	Oak	Sea	Atl	Was	Car	GB

Congrats!

Go out to Minstrel Boy, for winning $28,000 on Jeopardy last night, and for participating in one of the best battles I've ever seen on that show in tonight's broadcast.

He and Milt went toe-to-toe, kicking ass and taking names while the third contestant was reduced to mere spectator.

In the end, MB accumulated $38200, losing to Milt's $38401.

Outstanding theater. Well done, Stevie.

Speaking of Fantasy Football

Worst. Loss. Ever.

Funny thing is, we had a .7 margin of victory in Toasters last weekend, in the quarters.

And Chemist lost in another one of his leagues because Kevin Boss only got one catch for 23 yards. One more catch, maybe 4-5 yards, would have done it for him. What a nightmare, watching a half of a football game you don't care about, hoping your TE will get ONE. FUCKING. CATCH!

Texts from the wife

"The EMTs are here because a 5yr old got his penis stuck in his belt! Franks and beans!"

Clothing from 4 different decades does not equal timeless

GAAAAH!!

The Fug girls do it justice.

Yes, all of these things

Awesome.

Shivers and goosebumps

As Phydeaux says, "Music Is."

Civil unions vs. religious marriage

Wonderful post.

For design nerds

Here's a walkthrough of the Obama campaign art, and the various logos they considered.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks - Week 4

Vegas, baby. Vegas.

Brrrr

Fortunately, we got spared the outages, so we were able to stay cozy this weekend. Erica's mother had to stay with us, because just 10 miles south she had no power until this morning.

My office party got canceled Friday, which sucked, but hey, some people really suffered this weekend, so whaddyagonnado?







Challenger tree.








Someone always has to have the UFO house. When it's fully inflated, I'll try to get a better shot of Santa fucking Rudolph.

Pantofla!

The Jets fan theme song...

Are you ready for some, um, football?

Here's CBS's 1:00 lineup.


Really, Jets-Bills is of national interest? The battle of the mediocre and the bad? The game with exactly zero playoff teams participating (sorry Jets, but the Pats will win the division)? Of course it's going to get wide distribution in the northeast, but what the hell is it doing on in the south, where a good southern team is playing against another southern team? I'd be pissed if I lived in Mississippi or Alabama, just a few hours away from the Titans, so I kind of started following them by osmosis if nothing else but I can't watch them play today because I'm getting two shitty teams from New York!!! The NFL sucks balls. The most anti-consumer organization I can think of.

Here's Fox's lineup. I get the TB-ATL game at 1. Thank you thank you thank you.


No rooting interest in TB v. ATL, but at least they're playoff-type teams. Garcia! [ed: Griese!] Matty Ice! I'd also take the Colts, because blowouts are always fun. Anyway, Buck and Aikman have to be wondering how they wound up with Minnesota and Arizona.

Now, for the real football:


Oh yeah, baby. Roethslsisgegrusgreorlostsberger! Flacco! The two best defenses in the league!!!1!!eleventyone!!! A shitload of beer! Sign me right the fuck up. Why anyone has to suffer through New England - Oakland is beyond me. I'm a little too close to that green blob for comfort, actually. Keep those waves away from me, man. The Oakland suck is too strong for the New England mediocrity to overcome. It still adds up to suck.

(Maps from the506.)

Fuck you and your broccoli-eating cats

Death Metal Puppy - watch more funny videos

What. The. Fuck.

Yikes

I've always thought the sports memorabilia market was insane, but COME ON!!!!

Three great links on the Republicans and the auto industry

Shakes, Maha, Benen.

Spreads for SCLPL Week 4

Favored	Chi	Atl	Was	Ind	SD	StL	Mia	NYJ	GB	Ten	Ari	NE	Car	Bal	Dal	Phi
Spread	3.0	3.0	7.0	17.0	5.0	Off (0)	6.5	7.0	2.5	3.0	Off (0)	Off (0)	7.5	2.0	3.0	14.0
Underdog	NO	TB	Cin	Det	KC	Sea	SF	Buf	Jac	Hou	Min	Oak	Den	Pit	NYG	Cle

Not just "Detroit"

An interesting google-map of the auto industry and its supporting cast.

Celine Dion - Fucking Amazing

This is worth every minute:


From Jezebel's 15 Ridiculous Women We Love.

Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?

Hearkening all the way back to my draft post:

Hypocycloids: another year of suckitude in the Helmet & Shouldamapads league. Sometimes I couldn't catch a break, sometimes I made a bad roster decision, sometimes both. I just couldn't get anything going. It's all luck, I tell you.


Fucknecks: I drafted Tom Brady #1 (#3 overall), he goes down 8 minutes into the season, and I still finish with the best record and highest-scoring team in the league? It's all skill. I fucking rule. I am quite torn about byes in fantasy playoffs, though. I'm excited to have made them, but then I have to sit out a week? It just feels funny. What the fuck am I going to OCD about on Sunday?


Learn To Logic: stupid fucking league. Yeah I made the playoffs, but that's only because they're too inclusive. It's almost as bad as ECAC Hockey. Anyway, it's an auto-draft league, which I didn't mind, because a) at the time I didn't realize how stupid the scoring system is, and b) I didn't have time for another live draft. But in a nutshell, the scoring is so stupid your QB should outscore the rest of your team combined to have a chance. Seriously, if your QB doesn't score 45+ points, you might as well write the week off. So, why leave that up to the whims of random computer drafting? Anyway... given the rules, I did my best, which was downright comically unlucky. I start Pennington, so naturally he sucks and Cutler has 65 points on my bench. I start Cutler, the opposite happens. I start Roethlisburger, he sucks and both the other two rock. Whatevah! Anyway, I'm in the playoffs, and it's a crapshoot I'll have fun with, but I don't really care, because luck is too heavily weighted in this league. If I had finished out of the playoffs, if I had finished second in the standings, either way: it wouldn't matter to me, pride-wise.

Choppin broccolai

That's a nutty kitteh


Of course that must be followed by this classic, the best thing Dana Carvey ever did:



I wish I could find the Comic Relief one, from 20 or years ago. But this will do.

Pretty much

The Truth About Cars gets it right:

Best. Book. Ever.

Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals.

My hero

Fuck tha police.

Looks like I need to bring my spring herb garden up from the basement. And put a webcam on it.

Wow

I just paid $1.89 for gas.

See what reducing demand does? A year of people adjusting their behavior might have actually stuck and become habit.

The next thing to pay attention to is sales of guzzlers. Will they spike again, now that gas is cheap? Or are people still too broke? I'm guessing the latter, but this is still 'Murika, so nothing would surprise me.

I guess this might help

Let's hit the links...

McSweeney's summarizes 50 years of hit songs.

Mr Furious has a great bailout plan for the automakers.

Sully on endangered languages.

How lack of universal health care will be the real downfall of the American economy. And more.

Rich people using coupons. It's, like, trendy and stuff.

This is exactly what some of us were talking about this weekend. The government giving away trillions of dollars isn't going to change anything. The government spending trillions of dollars on infrastructure, and the jobs and related raw-goods manufacturing that will spur, be bring returns many times over.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks - Week 3

And this is why Vegas keeps building hotels...

Mmmmm, cider

OJ is going to jail

It's a good thing.

On tap

Got some boys coming up for the weekend, and the kegerator is full. Here's what we've got going on:



That's a whole 30 minutes of Photoshop/Illustrator right there, bitchez.

Trust me, the booze will be much better.

Heh-heh/Groan

"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says 'You’re all idiots', and pours two beers."

Excellent website.

See image in post below, also.

Boom boom, out go the waves

"This full-scale Schlieren image shows the discharge of a .44 Magnum revolver.

The basic optical Schlieren system uses light from a single collimated source shining on a target object. Variations in refractive index caused by density gradients in the fluid distort the collimated light beam. This distortion creates a spatial variation in the intensity of the light, which can be visualized directly with a system designed to capture shadows."

Hallelujah

I go into and out of insane obsessions with this fucking song.

Sullivan had to go and start me up again today.


That woman is unreal.


I can't find a good live version of Buckley's, the recordings all suck. I have one on DVD that's pretty sweet.


John Cale.


What the hell, she's that fucking good.


The original.

There are 15+ verses of this, I've heard, and different covers have used different groups. Cohen himself felt it was an uplifting song, given the last couple verses below, but others have left it on a downer note, skipping those. Buckley's interpretation is probably the most well-known of the downer interpretations.


Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above,
As for me, all I've ever seemed to learn from love
Is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.
Yeah but it's not a complaint that you hear tonight,
It's not the laughter of someone who claims to have seen the light
No it's a cold and it's a very lonely Hallelujah.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah


Breathtaking.

This was the song that started the famous conversation between Cohen and Bob Dylan, where Dylan asked how long it took to write. "Over a year," said Cohen. "How long did it take you to write {so-and-so Dylan classic}?"

Dylan's reply? "Fifteen minutes."

That must have been dispiriting.