Are you ready for some football?

Hey all. Since Toast is having host issues, here's the Couch™ for Thursday night. Welcome back, y'all!



And... GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mesmerizing

Uh-oh

Available as a t-shirt here.

September? Seriously?

Ugh. I can't wait that long!

The sound last night was pretty bad, which is annoying for all the money they throw at the Tonight Show, but McCready was on fire as usual.

Top this!

This is so happy-making I can't stand it.



(h/t Toast)

White Power!! (take 2)

A whole lot more ridiculous unicorn tattoos here.

(h/t Chemist)

LOL cats

OK, I check out I Can Has Cheezburger every day, because they're always worth a giggle, maybe an occasional guffaw.

But this one right here, holy shit. I literally LOLed, and clapped, and whatever else. 100% made of win.



Oh, and Sparkly Poops is totally the name of my next band.

Sing it, sister!

Kiss her on the... lips.

This rocks out loud, and is hilarious at the same time.

If nothing else, the alphabet works.

Here are 20 Songs About Cunnilingus.

And if you haven't heard song #4, that's a MUST LISTEN. Totally NSFW/kids/everything else, just for fair warning. Vulgar doesn't even come close. Awesome.

Bet ya ten bucks...

...a white guy approved the final script. Maybe after calling his "black friend."



Holla!

I first heard this during my commute to work yesterday, when I switched over to Free Beer and Hot Wings during a Mike & Mike commercial break.

I almost got into an accident I was laughing so hard.

"Do ya thing. Y’know, let it do what it do. On the real. It’s off the hook."

And while we're at it, this may be the best "worst local ad" ever!


This couch is perfect for a black person or a white person!

Dudes, let's go to Vancouver for the Olympics...

Brah! Dudebrah!



Best Olympics logo ever. Now where are those twinkies?

A douche off the ol' block

I think we have a new leader in Douchebags - Punchable Face Division.



Come on, you know you this is don't you? If you do, congrats, but if you don't, please do take a minute to ponder before you go reading his douchetastic story.

Really, you know who this douche is, even if you don't.

White Power!!

Sweet family hauler. Not-so-sweet translation.

Craig Ferguson rocks

Bwah!


And more.

Linkdump

It's expensive to be poor.

Poverty 101: We'll start with the basics. Like food: You don't have a car to get to a supermarket, much less to Costco or Trader Joe's, where the middle class goes to save money. You don't have three hours to take the bus.

So you buy groceries at the corner store, where a gallon of milk costs an extra dollar. A loaf of bread there costs you $2.99 for white. For wheat, it's $3.79. The clerk behind the counter tells you the gallon of leaking milk in the bottom of the back cooler is $4.99. She holds up four fingers to clarify. The milk is beneath the shelf that holds beef bologna for $3.79. A pound of butter sells for $4.49. In the back of the store are fruits and vegetables. The green peppers are shriveled, the bananas are more brown than yellow, the oranges are picked over.

(At a Safeway on Bradley Boulevard in Bethesda, the wheat bread costs $1.19, and white bread is on sale for $1. A gallon of milk costs $3.49 -- $2.99 if you buy two gallons. A pound of butter is $2.49. Beef bologna is on sale, two packages for $5.)

Harry Reid has got to fucking go! DDay tears into him like nobody's business.

Newt Gingrich - still a lying racist scumbag.

No big fan of Pelosi either, but it seems that maybe she is right on this one? Still not sure how to read all this stuff.

Ahhh, Republican TV pundits. So criminal, so insane, so stupid.

Krugman with another quote of the year candidate.

And the truth is that the Reaganauts were a pretty grotesque bunch too. Look for the golden age of conservative intellectualism in America, and you keep going back, and back, and back — and eventually you run up against William Buckley in the 1950s declaring that blacks weren’t advanced enough to vote, and that Franco was the savior of Spanish civilization.

McCain, still a deceitful douche.

Wingnuts - always pissing their pants in fear. And apparently unaware of Google.

Ways to reduce the cost of health care.

Clarkson DESTROYS the new Honda Insight. Brutal. (And here's a review of the 2001 insight by someone who just bought it used)

The Sports Guy goes head-to-head with Malcolm Gladwell, hilarity ensues. Part 1, 2, 3.

The Sports Guy on the Red Sox, steroids, and explaining it to his kid.

Best hair ever? No, I think that still belongs to that old prom picture I'm too lazy to look for now. Still... That site has some crazy stuff. Like what the hell is going on here???? Matching - just say no. And this, oh man. It caused quite a kerfuffle at another site I visit. But that's another story entirely.

Hello there!

Well, now, my neglected little blog. What shall we do with you?

I think it's time to bust a move.

I've got books and CDs, TV, sports, politics, and all sorts of random thoughts that have been piling up.

We'll get you up to speed in short order...

I love my life

Good times in Saratoga...

Read the f&@#*ing chart!

Is that with portobellos?

More goodness here.

Hey Erica, I need a little help in the kitchen...

You know, making the sauce.

1,000 words? Try 1,000,000.

Throw in a couple dozen emotions too.

That picture KILLS me. Dead.

Bwahahahaha

Justin Timberlake kicked ass on SNL last night.

Here are the winning skits:

Yeah, he hit it.



I still can't believe this happened.



This is funny, but pales compared to the previous two.

It's sad to think that if SNL just had 22 interesting guests on a year, instead of just whoring for the latest idiot with a movie coming out that week, they could get a lot more of this. Instead, we get 3 or 4 great shows a year, and the rest of the time you're waiting for the Digital Short and the news, and maybe the band.

What did I miss?

While I put together my Atlanta post and some baseball stuff, here are a couple web sites I've discovered recently:

Look at This Fucking Hipster - This is great. Back in the pre-blog days I used to send out a daily collection of links, and one of my favorite things was Blue States Lose, a weekly compilation of pictures from hipster parties down in NYC. It was hilarious how bad the pictures were, and those guys wrote brilliant captions. These captions here are mostly mediocre and obvious, but the pictures are as mind-blowingly disturbing as ever.

Texts From Last Night - Unreal stuff, From gut-bustingly hilarious to kinda scary, just a record of text messages (and occasionally responses). We were discussing the site in Atlanta, and one our favorites was "Trimmed my pubes. Broke your paper shredder. Separate events." Mine personally was "My mouth tastes like bad decisions." There is just so much here. Another that stands out for me:
Text - What I really want to do is right
Reply - Start by learning how to spell

or:
(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom

or:
(808): The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.

or:
(703): I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.


I can read that shit all day long.

Play ball!!!!

A fine sight on a warm Atlanta day

130 beers on tap...

UPDATE: BTW, are you all impressed with my 30 pixel camera-phone? Anyway, great place. Right in the arena where the Heat-Hawks game is going on right now. VERY lively crowd.

Travel time!

Airplane air! Shaking hundreds of strange hands!

Bring it on, pig. I'm packin' Purell.

This is pretty impressive

If you've never played golf, you have no idea how difficult this is; I'm actually surprised a pro was willing to fuck with his swing for this kind of thing.

No comment required

Slow clap

Melissa with a fantastic post on the Republican party vs. the Republican voter.

This is just nuts

AI improv marimba.

(h/t Gizmodo)

Saturday Kitchen Report - They Call Me Tater Salad

Saw this recipe in the latest issue of Esquire, and I just had to make it.



Fortunately we had almost all the ingredients in stock, and acceptable substitutes for the rest.

My changes:

• We only had purple potatoes from the farmer's market so I used those.
• I added some funky purple and red and yellow carrots, also from the farmer's market. Sliced them into very thin discs.
• No capers.
• Substituted sardines for anchovies.
• I used three whole red peppers that I roasted under the broiler for 30 minutes. Half a cup my ass! Roasted red peppers are some of the best things in the world.
• I went heavy on the crushed red pepper, as I always do.

It's still cooling and setting up right now, but the sample I had was AMAZING! When it's cool, I'll add the olive oil and salt and pepper to taste.

Highly recommended.

Add another to the Win column

It's official: Democrat Scott Murphy beats Republican James Tedisco in the battle for Kirsten Gillibrand's vacated NY-20 seat.

Not a huge fan of Murphy and his whole Blue Dog thing, but we certainly don't need any more Republicans of any stripe in government, so I'll take it. Upstate is pretty rural and conservative, so even Dems have to have some funny ideas to get elected.

Memories...

Anyway, there's your theme for the weekend.

Keep this handy for your next wingnut smackdown

The torture timeline - at least what we know so far.

BAKINTYM

Sitting at a red light on the way home, I noticed that on the license plate on the car in front of me.

I figured out what it said, but it made no sense for a couple seconds. Then I zoomed out a bit, and realized the car was a DeLorean. Mint freakin' condition too.

Well played, sir.

Nerdpocalypse

This comment thread right here, breaks the nerdmeter beyond repair.

Does swinging at a pitch constitute a melee attack or does it require a saving throw?

Yes, you read that right. A D&D argument among SABRmetricians. Get your fallout shelters ready.

Who said this?

"I call on all governments to join with the United States and the community of law-abiding nations in prohibiting, investigating, and prosecuting all acts of torture and in undertaking to prevent other cruel and unusual punishment."

Did you guess George W. Bush?

Sullivan has more.

Attention!

If we don't like the cut of your jib, we will torture you.

Thank you, and good day.

I can't believe this happened

Now the question is: are Republicans this stupid, or are they playing to their stupid constituencies?



Seriously? Trying to gotchya a fucking Nobel Laureate?

Best. Translation. Ever.

And when I say best, I mean worst.



Wow. Apparently, Videogum had a "high school freshman with one and a half semesters of introductory French" translate it for them.

Beautiful.

Nobody could have predicted...

...empty seats at Yankee Stadium.

And while we're at it, here's the Yankee defense so far, courtesy of NoMass, who really should have direct links by now.


Of course, this is a really small sample size, but utterly consistent with the past 4-5 years.

The numbers represent runs saved above or below position average per 150 games (UZR/150).

UPDATE: To clarify, at this point, Swisher will give up 70 more runs over the course of a "season" than an average RF. Again, small sample size, but he is definitely below average.

Petulant, arrogant bastards

More whining from the Wall Street rich.

Beautiful

This is just one of several amazing photos from Cassini.



UPDATE: Hey, this was my 1000th post!

You're trying awful hard, dude.

I love how he fondles the Playboy.

(h/t Videogum)

Consumption junction

Well done chart estimating how long the Earth's natural resource will last at the current rate of consumption.


Click to embiggen.

Yikes.

(via Gizmodo)

Beer Blogging - Flying Dog (TasteLive 4/19/09)

Kerberos Tripel - 12oz, 8.5%ABV

The Pour - Thin pour, very light head that faded quickly

The Color - A slightly hazy golden-orange body.

The Nose - Barnyard/straw, an orange/citrus aroma opens up the nose like a shot of smelling salts (and I mean that in a good way), clover. It screams Belgian.

The Taste - A touch of sweetness with a hint of caramel, balanced with an orange-peel bitterness. Does not hit you over the head with alcohol; a "sneaky" 8.5 if there ever was one. Very full mouthfeel, lingers on the palate for quite a long time. Getting some hints of banana now that the beer's opened up (and warmed up) a bit. Did I mention this lingers? My beer's been done for 5 minutes, and there's still a pleasant bitterness lingering on the back of my tongue. Now, when I posted that last thought at TTL, my friend Jeff's reply was "Yeah, lingers along the middle of my tongue all the way back." The only thing I could think to say to that was "LIKE MY COCK!" but I didn't want to tweet that publicly. So that was a special message directTweeted to him. Take that, Mr. "I can do 11 minus you divided by FUCK!"

The Verdict - B+.


Horn Dog Barley Wine - 12oz, 10.2%ABV

The Pour - Standard pour, building a nice tall head that lasts.

The Color - Deep orange amber.Very, very slight haze.

The Nose - Getting some barnyard/manure on this one. What the hell is up with my nose tonight? Also, coffee/mocha/chocolate, nutmeg, fig.

The Taste - Raisins, raisins, raisins. Very sweet, more than a little out of balance. Vanilla, molasses, chocolate/mocha. A hint of hops lingers nicely, but I can't get over the syrupy mouthfeel.

The Verdict - B-. Just too damned sweet. Which is strange, because I gave this an A- last time I beerblogged it, and it's been one of my favorite barleywines since I discovered it.

UPDATE: It was less cloying today, but still too sweet. A problem with the batch?




Double Dog Double Pale Ale - 12oz, 11.5%ABV

The Pour - Slightly thicker than average pour, nice long-lasting head.

The Color - Golden amber, medium haze, abundant floating sediment.

The Nose - Cigar box, hops, clove, pine forest. There's a lot going on here. Some tropical fruit too?

The Taste - Holy shit. This a hop monster. Bitter orange peel, corriander, and yes, pineapple. My nose isn't broken after all. Great beer.

The Verdict - A

UPDATE: Revisited this one, and nothing changes. I probably nursed this for 2 hours over yardwork and cooking, and it was good to the last drop. Tons of hops character, perfectly-balanced, and a totally sneaky ABV. I'll definitely keep this in the summer rotation. Wonderfully refreshing.




Gonzo Imperial Porter - 12oz, 9.2%ABV

The Pour - Standard thickness, HUGE head, which is to be expected at almost room temperature.

The Color - Brown/black, totally opaque.

The Nose - Caramel, smoke, honey.

The Taste - Everything a porter should be, but maybe a bit too sweet.

UPDATE: I was pretty hammered by the time this one came around, so I had another one today to give it a fair shake. The verdict is the same: too sweet. Everyone was raving about this last night, but I just don't see it. It's basic porter, and flawed at that.

The Verdict - C (downgrade from B- during the tasting)

An-ti-ci-paaaaa-tion

Sitting here with the Canis Major mixed pack of Flying Dog brews, waiting for 8pm to roll around so the latest TasteLive session can start.

One each of Double Dog Double Pale Ale, Horn Dog Barley Wine, Gonzo Imperial Porter, and Kerberos Tripel. Bill did the math on the bud points for me - tonight's tasting is 7.6 standard beers, not bad for a two-hour tasting session. Certainly less damage than the Dogfish tasting last month, which - if you drank all of them - was about 14 beers...

Warning

Only read this if you want to cry for the next ten minutes.

Do not say I didn't warn you. A courtesy my coworker MB didn't extend to me when she sent me the link this afternoon.

Speechless

Unless "ouch" counts as speech.

More literary, and some funny

Posnanski on Frost's The Road Not Taken. Bravo. I think about this a lot. If any one thing I did, ever, was different, would I still be here where I am today? How do I balance regret with the fact that I like where I am? I have a terribly crippling conscience, among other issues I wouldn't know how to begin to describe; there are so many things I wish I'd done differently. But if I had, I wouldn't be with Erica, with a nice house in Saratoga (a great little city), doing work I enjoy and at which I excel. I try to remember that whenever I get down on myself, but it's hard sometimes.

Do you ever think about the parallel universe you? Do you ever go back to that fork in the road - maybe you had two job offers at the same time, or two people you had to choose between relationship-wise, or any similar decision point - and wonder where the other road led?

In other news, Big Daddy Drew's latest Penthouse column is hilarious. (The ads on the page seem to be work-safe.) Ahhh, macho hang-ups... always a source of amusement to me.

Some more links

A very interesting take on the health care system.

California is so fucked.

The rally may soon be over. Anyone ready for Dow 6500?

The world economy hinges on American consumer? We are sooooo fucked.

The Debt Puppy! Seriously, read this and the link in it.

Why we pay taxes: summary, and detail.

More on the soda tax.

An amusing account of a MASSIVE 50-person teabagging.

If this guy is a "journalist"...

Obama, transparency, and civil liberties: FAIL.

Benen is being generous when he calls them "low" information voters.

Government: always criminal. ALWAYS. Do you know what shortening yellows does, other than increase potential ticket revenue from red-light violations? It increases accidents and deaths. But hell, more $74 fines for Shittown. Woo-HOO! Who fucking cares who dies?

The smartcar: unsafe. But don't expect to hear that from publications that want Mercedes advertising dollars.

Holy crap I want this car, $2000 routine service be damned.

Winguts lying again.

Vote early, vote often!

The Name of the Year contest is down to the Final Four.

I went Nutricious Love and Velvet Milkman.

Pure genius

From the KSK folk.

A Marshawn Lynch/ee cummings mash-up.

No socialism...

...except for my Social Security, disability, and Medicare.

Happy Anniversary

Harlequin Romance Novels, giving you shower-nozzle masturbation material for 60 years.



(h/t Videogum)

Oh happy day

Teabags for everyone!







Oh, you were expecting words? Here, Fecke has some.

The Onion rulez, you drool

TJ sent me the latest (both NSFW):


Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs

and this one is fucking brilliant:


Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable

Wow.

Linkdump

More evidence that ethanol is a scam, "green"-wise. Unfortunately, politicians need Iowa, so nothing will ever be done about it.

So, wait... the "conservatives" are defending the "extremists?" Tart with more on the complete lack of understanding the nutzoids have, irony-wise. Remember "if you aren't doing anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about?" Hey, wingnuts: Suck. On. That.

Tbogg, in his own inimitable way, does a number on the wingnut umbrage. Also, he mercilessly mocks the teabaggers. And more.

Obama - kicking pirate ass since 2/19/09.

And speaking of pirates - EPIC FAIL by Newt et al. on Obama's handling of the rescue.

DAMN I love that video. Just think about this: these fuckheads wanted the captain dead. They don't give a shit about "life" in any form; they're just out for political gain.

Yes, tax the fuck out of soda.

Come on Bobby, what's it gonna be? You fuck.

More tea-bagging goodness. "If you are planning simultaneous teabagging all around the country, you're going to need a Dick Armey." *headdesk*

Iowa Republicans - not so familiar with the constitution, federal or state.

Palin's nominee for Alaska Attorney General - in favor of rape. And of course bigoted in many other ways.

Lies, damn lies and Ari Fleischer

Fuck Harry Reid. Better Democrats, please.

Goldman Sachs - their numbers are all bullshit.

Twitter has a raison d'être

This made my week, and it's only Tuesday.

Missing link

Forgot this in the linkdump. Posnanski with a great post on Tiger, the Masters, his early days in the sportswriting business, and being assigned to the Augusta despite knowing nothing about golf.

Teabagging!!!

Rachel Maddow does her best...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I couldn't have made it through that. "Who wouldn't want to teabag John McCain?" OMFSM.


And speaking of tea parties, this is really the kind of wingnut we're dealing with.

Woman: [Shouts] “Burn the books!” [applause]

Man: “I don’t think you were serious about that, were you?”

Woman: “I am too.”

Man: “Burn all the books?!”

Woman: “The ones in college, those, those brainwashing books.”

Man: “[laughs] Brainwashing books?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Man: “Which ones are those?”

Woman: “Like, the evolution crap, and, yeah...”

Unreal. What's the saying? "Not all Republicans are stupid, but all stupid people are Republicans?" I don't know, that "Not" may need to be dropped.

Friday linkdump

Sullivan sums up the tea-party nonsense nicely.

The anti-gay marriage doofuses must not be aware of the intertubez. Even better, after announcing their gay acronym, some smart pro-marriage-equality realized they hadn't even reserved the fucking web address! So the bigots can M4M themselves all they want, but 2m4m.org is a pro-gay-marriage web site.

Wingnuts, making up their reality as they go along.

CNN - as bad as Fox.

That flip-flop could have sprained a neck!

The chemical industry is threatened by Michelle Obama's organic garden. Cheesus.

In wingnut-land, increasing the defense budget is a decrease.

Goldman Sachs tries to shut down an anti-GS website.

Joe Klein properly disposes of Krauthammer. Klein seems to have really come to his senses the last couple years.

Do not buy a new car. Great comments too. That's good site with a smart bunch of readers.

THAH FAHKIN SAWX RAWK!!!

Have another one...

(h/t deadspin)

Speaking crazy to power

Jon Stewart sets the wingnuts straight.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Baracknophobia - Obey
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Um... I love your Biffy too

And that's all I have to say about that!

"Surrounded by Sodomites"

This is beautiful. Simply beautiful.

"Deeply fucked in the head"

Indeed.

How come, when I head out of town on business, or Erica is out of town at a yoga retreat, I don't need a hall monitor? And I'm one of those immoral/amoral atheists!

Seriously, when I'm in Hotlanta for 5 days for a trade show, my concern won't be "how will I resist temptation?" It'll be "where's the best local food and drink?" Now, sure, it's the south. Will there be southern girls and sundresses and legs and boobs as far as the eye can see? Damn right there will be, and I'll be enjoying the show. But not for one single fucking second will I have to "fight temptation." Roommate, boss and I will just appreciate, maybe say a "hoo-WHEE" under our collective breath, and have another damned drink. Because there's nothing better than tax-deductible meals at the Capital Grille.

When you boil it down, religion is all about the penis and the fear of women. The weak-minded have such a fear of life and of their own frailties it's ridiculous, so they project their stupidity on the rest of the world and decide that we need control, especially the women (everything is their fault, of course).

I hate these people.

{crickets}

In Binghamton, an immigrant killed a lot of people. Predictably, the wingnuts pounced.

I notice this morning's cop-killing in Pittsburgh was committed by a white 'Merkun wingnut:

Police did not immediately release the gunman's identity, but his friends at the scene described him as a young man who thought the Obama administration would ban guns.

One friend, Edward Perkovic, said the gunman feared "the Obama gun ban that's on the way" and "didn't like our rights being infringed upon." Another longtime friend, Aaron Vire, said he feared that President Obama was going to take away his rights, though he said he "wasn't violently against Obama."

Come on Pam, come on Michele. What's your take on this one?

John McCain is fucking insane

Yeesh.

See what adult leadership can do?

Story here. And here. And here.

And more on the G-20 in general.

South Park

Last night's episode was insane as usual. The guys are still bringin' it.

Sully does them justice.

Linka dinka doo

Mark Cuban gets it right.

Bill James on the Orioles and other things.

Tweak your Google Image searches.

In praise of strong coffee.

The next bubble to burst?

Beating back the the "lower taxes will raise federal revenue" bullshit, one blog post at a time.

Worst wresting character ever. I can't believe this is real, but that guy was apparently a real WWF character. Is that supposed to be intimidating? Should I be afraid he's going to get glitter on me?

"We cannot have a better first person to attack health care reform than someone who ran a company that ripped off the government of hundreds of millions of dollars." Awesome. A criminal former health care exec is the best representative the right wing can find to fight health care reform.

Republicans - criminally insane? Or inveterate liars?

1619 federal charges against The Hair.

Do you people know how embarrassing it is to have George Will be one of your fraternity brothers?

Joe the Dumber strikes again. Christ these people are ridiculous.

Yes, this is why I see 5-6 troopers and sheriffs a day on my commute. Tickets and fines are the only revenue a lot of municipalities can increase quickly and easily.

WATB alert

John Cole delves deep into the victimhood complex of wingnutia.

Best April Fools stunt ever

I have to admit I got suckered into this big time, and I never fall for this shit. Very well done, boys. That's why you've been on my must-watch list since day 1.



The tone, the pacing, the cross-talk - EXACTLY like the show itself. A+ for effort. And F- to me.

Xtreme!

The 630-yard par 3.



Story here.

Yes, I know those guys are pros, but the fact that they even came close to the green is ridiculous. At that distance, the miss per degree off-line is 33 feet. Throw in some wind, and those shots are unbelievable.

(h/t TJ)

Well, that settles it

I guess I'll never see a game in the new Yankee stadium either.

Because this is all I'll be able to afford...


How do you spend a billion+ on a stadium and let this happen to your fans?

Unpistevable.

Howie Long: "real man" or insecure douchebag?

Does anyone else hate those Howie Long Chevy commercials as much as I do? You know, the ones where you're a pussy you're not a real man if you drive a Ford?

I haven't posted on them because KSK did it so brilliantly back in January, and well, I can't top that. Anyway, they're back for a second helping.

Awesome, as always.

And while we're at KSK, let's check into a little fanfic with Dreamboat, Gisele, and Bridget. Oh, and Tawwwmy from Quinzee. Disturbing. But accurate, I'd imagine. If I imagined such a thing.

Summing up 8 years of futility in one paragraph

I'm working on my Yankees season preview, but I wanted to follow up my book review with a key excerpt from The Yankee Years:



Ho. Lee. Shit.

I knew it was bad, but that's comically, befuddlingly bad. By hey, we spent a few hundred million on Kevin Brown, Javier Vasquez, Jeff Weaver, Alyssa Milano Pavano, Randy Johnson, and Roger "Oh my goodness gracious" Clemens (2007 edition). So we have that going for us. Which is nice.

Jeetus.

What's wrong with these women?

I want you to take that question seriously. Before you get to the bottom of this post, I want you to figure out what these 6 women have in common, according to some bullshit article I saw about the latest fashion trend. I fucking DARE you to figure this out.

OK, one at a time:


Next:


Next:


Next:


Next:


Next:


OK, stop right here with the scrolling, and start with the thinking. What fashion trend are these women rockin'?

The answer follows....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Were you thinking that the newest trend is "bushy" eyebrows?




I didn't think so. I hate people.

That's some magical lubricant!

You know, I was going to buy a Nissan GT-R. I figure I've got $75,000 burning a hole in my pocket, why not? Good thing I did the research, though. Turns out the 18K service costs $2,000, and that's if you shop around for your own supplies.

The primary culprit? Ten quarts of tranny fluid. Retailing at $115 per quart, but the guys at Edmunds found it for $85.

I really want to know what's in $115 tranny fluid. It had better involve the blood of aborted fetuses, the tears of the baby jeebus (maybe with a dash of Glenn Beck), and baby seal blubber.

You're gonna love my nuts - the reckoning

Yeah, that's Vince, the ShamWow guy.

The Smoking Gun reports:
Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face... After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. ... While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants.


A shifty TV pitchman is a sleezeball? WATFO? I don't think my innocence can take any more blows like this.

Linkdump

Baseball
The values of sports franchises will plummet. A lot.
Mo's cutter - greatest pitch ever?
Optimizing lineups by The Book.


This is a great ad (Eno is an antacid)


Politics
Why Republicans live in a perpetual state of stupid. What the hell does "pass more socialism" even mean?
The Republican "budget proposal" is getting roundly and justifiably mocked.
Be cure to watch South Park's latest episode, Margaritaville, for a clear explanation of the economy, cults, and more things than you thought you could learn in 22 minutes of animation.

WTFuckery
That's dedication! A 60-year-old woman gets three DWIs in three days.
Artist paints herself having sex with presidents. See her blowing Lincoln! Pegging Buchanan!
Parked cars get speeding tickets.
AIG's risk management execs were not allowed to examine the books!!!!!

Kafkaesque

The Onion goes thinky:



That's some serious funny but you have to rewind and pause a lot, looking for details. Good stuff.

Book thoughts

I couldn't resist picking up The Yankee Years, by Tom Verducci with Joe Torre.

This is a thoroughly enjoyable read, chock full of detail about Torre's 12 years as Yankee manager. An important point: it was, as I suspected, not at all sensationalistic, as the initial reports from the NY tabloids would have had us believe.

I've always enjoyed Verducci's writing with SI, and he doesn't disappoint here. It took a few chapters to get used to the time-jumping, but he ties the jumps together so well that you never ask "what the hell is going on here?"

Highly recommended. I had issues with some of Torre's management style, primarily the "trust" card in the bullpen that led him to overusing certain guys every year to the point that they were useless by October (remember QuanGorMo?), but hey: job security in pro sports, especially with the Yankees, is pretty much nil. He did things his way, was highly successful at it, and went with his convictions, repercussions from the higher-ups be damned. This book makes it crystal clear how fucking difficult that job is.

Next, it's time for my annual re-reading of Ball Four to get geared up for the baseball season. Not only the best baseball book ever written, one of the best books period. In my all-time top 10 for sure, maybe even top 5. I don't think about book lists as much as music lists.

Another quote of the year candidate

Two whoppers in the same week.

John Rogers of Kung Fu Monkey:
"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."

Craigslist follies

I'm selling a bunch of office furniture and supplies on Craigslist.

This is what I got today:

H! I like your post. I am good looking female. I am from Russia and moving to the states shortly
I am looking for a good man to spend my time with and who can show me around
Could you please kindly reply to me at (e-mail address here)
I'll send some pictures of me in reply so you could see who you're talking to
Could you reply to my email account I am giving in the message as I am writing from my work email which i don't normally check

Sure lady, but the file cabinet still costs $75.

UPDATE: Just checked my personal e-mail, and have 3 more of these, all different names and different nonsense gmail addresses. Great.

Quote of the year candidate

"Geithner isn't Michael Brown. He's Hurricane Katrina."

Ouch!

Great commercial? Or the greatest commercial?

Lindsay Lohan needs to earn her coke money somehow, and acting sure ain't gonna do it.



Does anyone know what's going on here? And can you imagine a worse reading of anything? She was given a whopping 9 12 words and still couldn't add any punch, passion, personality, sass, sexy, anything.

Numbers and pictures, oh my

I guess it's a good time to be a graphic artist with an understanding of finance.

The whole site will prove to be quite the time-suck when I get a chance.

(h/t Sully)

The Rat Pack

Last weekend we went to see The Rat Pack - Live at the Sands.

Great, great show. The performers were quite convincing, but Erica and I disagreed on our rankings. When we spoke at intermission, Erica liked "Dean" the least, while I thought he was the best, by my "close your eyes" test. Erica thought "Sammy" was really good, and I liked him least. "Frank" was fantastic, and truly looked the part too.

The setlist:
Luck Be a Lady - Frank
The Lady is a Tramp - Frank
I've Got You Under My Skim - Frank
For Once in a Lifetime - Sammy
That Old Black Magic - Sammy
Mr. Bojangles* - Sammy
It Don't Mean a Thing - Burelli Sisters
That's Amore - Dean
Sway - Dean
Everybody Loves Somebody - Dean
Angel Eyes - Frank
Falling in Love Again - Sammy
Shall We Dance - Dean and Sammy
Style - Dean, Frank, and Sammy
New York, New York - Dean, Frank, and Sammy & the Burelli Sisters

intermission

When You're Drinking - Dean
Volare - Dean
An Evening in Roma - Dean
My Kind of Town - Frank
Fly Me to the Moon - Frank
Too Close for Comfort - Sammy
Me and My Shadow - Frank and Sammy, then Dean and Frank
What Kind of Fool Am I? - Sammy
Medley - Dean, Frank, and Sammy
I Can't Give You Anything but Love
Too Marvelous for Words
Pennies From Heaven
A Foggy Day
Birth of the Blues
Mack the Knife - Frank
That's Life - Dean, Frank, and Sammy & the Burelli Sisters
My Way - Frank

Hell of a show.

The banter was pitch-perfect too, which was quite interesting. I'd describe it as friendly ball-busting of a quite un-PC nature, with a couple of the one-liners even making me think "wow." Stuff that wouldn't have raised an eyebrow in the 60s and 70s, certainly, but a little jarring to hear today. Most of the crowd got it, as the laughter had a tinge of hesitance/discomfort to it, but of course there were a couple people who enjoyed jokes at Sammy's expense a little too much, if you know what I mean.

The band was amazing, and the sound at Proctor's is impressive. It doesn't have a reputation like Troy Savings Bank Music Hall does, but I found it to be quite warm, and perfect for this kind of music. The drums were crisp, the brass sparkled, and the bandleader's piano was mixed to the forefront just right.

A wonderful experience, overall.

*An otherwise touching song that has the laziest, stupidest, most ridiculously laughable line in the history of lyrics. I seriously hate this song because of 9 words. I almost laughed at the concert when "Sammy" sang the line, but managed to control myself. "The dog up and died, he up and died." Really? That's all you've got? It's supposed to be sad, but it comes out like a joke.

My St. Patty's Day contribution

Thank you!

It doesn't take cancer to saddle you with thousands and thousands of dollars of medical bills you can't pay.

This guy gets it.

(h/t Benen)

The funniest thing you'll see this year

Bracketology, funny name style.

In case you were wondering why our government sucks

This woman is in CONGRESS!

Another story

Sullivan has another killer recession story.

I owe Fridge a beer for this one

This is the greatest thing in the history of things.


"Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML"

"Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML"

"Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML"

"Today, my mom came to me and asked if I had drank her wine. I'm 16, so I lied and said "no". The next morning there was a DVD on my bed labeled "pool house security cameras- love mom." It was a video of me downing two bottles of red wine and having sex with my boyfriend. FML"


Misery loves company, I guess. Then I think, we're all in the same boat, more or less. Or as TJ says, "All that shit that happens in soap operas? It happens in real life, just not to the same people every week."

So yeah, I actually find this uplifting in a way. How can you be all "woe is me" while scrolling through this shit?

Cramer vs. CramStewart

Yesterday's Daily Show was more journalism in 1/2 an hour than has been on CNN, Fox, and MSNBC in that past 8 years combined.

Stewart really did mop the floor with Cramer. I think the main reason for that is that Cramer is not the beast that his co-workers are. He is contrite, he does acknowledge the mistakes, and hey, he's the only one out of all of them with the stones to actually show up for that! Remember how Santelli chicken-shitted his way out of an appearance last week?

There are a couple points that Cramer could have fought back on a little better, but overall, he was overmatched because he had nothing in his or CNBC's defense. Justifiably so.

Here is the full interview, not the edited version.

(I had to remove the videos from here, they kept crashing my browser)

Round the bases

Amanda knocks one out of the park.

People aren’t going to work up the energy to demonize Levi Johnston, because he didn’t do anything that young men like him aren’t supposed to do in the pro-patriarchal mindset. Getting drunk and getting laid is a young man’s right, is it not? It’s the women involved who are obliged to set limits, not wear that skirt (you knew what would happen!), and pay the price when the inevitable happens. Once you look at it from a man’s point of view, the punishing nature of the Anti-Sex League becomes really obvious indeed, and all the hand-waving about fetal life in the world can’t change that, because men can’t get abortions. Once you realize that marching pregnant young women to the altar to marry them off as punishment for fooling around means that a man gets punished with an unhappy marriage, then then injustice of it becomes that much easier to focus on.

Inevitably, the logic of sexism turns around and bites men, too. You can only conceal for so long that women’s liberation has more benefits for most men than drawbacks. Doing more dishes than maybe you had to in the past is a small price to pay for not being forced to get married to someone who hates you at 19 out of duty. Certainly, I was amused this morning at how Ace of Spades and his commenters were unable to get that their bitterness towards Jessica for writing about her upcoming wedding said more about their own self-imposed inabilities to ever really get how great love between equals can be---they’re victims of their own propaganda. That the result of marriage-and-childbirth-as-punishment-for-sexual-sin regime doesn’t do men any favors isn’t going to stay a secret for long. That’s why Schiffren’s post was pretty much an admission of defeat---people should get married just so they can subject their child to a divorce? Because they were naughty and did things with their lady parts and gentleman junk that Schiffren disapproves of? Yeah, not buying it. Making Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin hold hands and look stupid at the RNC did more to bolster the cause of comprehensive sex education than all the research in the world could have. People can be stupid, but they’re not so stupid as to think that people should deliberately enter bad relationships as self-flagellation for fucking. Maybe we could accept it if only women were involved (we still have sad polling data to indicate this is true), but it’s not just women, and you can’t hide that forever.