Are you ready for some football?

Hey all. Since Toast is having host issues, here's the Couch™ for Thursday night. Welcome back, y'all!



And... GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Howie Long: "real man" or insecure douchebag?

Does anyone else hate those Howie Long Chevy commercials as much as I do? You know, the ones where you're a pussy you're not a real man if you drive a Ford?

I haven't posted on them because KSK did it so brilliantly back in January, and well, I can't top that. Anyway, they're back for a second helping.

Awesome, as always.

And while we're at KSK, let's check into a little fanfic with Dreamboat, Gisele, and Bridget. Oh, and Tawwwmy from Quinzee. Disturbing. But accurate, I'd imagine. If I imagined such a thing.

People are stupid

a) The people way back in Tiger's rear view mirror are (2) Sergio Garcia, (3) Phil Mickelson and (4) Padraig Harringon. As for the first two, give me a break. And I don't think Paddy could overtake Tiger if he won another two majors this year. This should be no higher than 5%.

b) This is the only really viable option. Yes, Gino has the UConn women rocking and rolling as usual. Or more than usual. But still, once tourney time rolls around, anything can happen.

c) Are you shitting me? The fucking Bills, in the playoffs? Because TO is a positive? Hey, remind me, how did the Cowboys do these last 3 years? Yeah, that's right, two one-and-dones and a whiff – and they supposedly have talent! I'll give this 10%.

Maybe it seems crazy to give 85% odds to the Husky women losing, when I would actually bet them to win the whole thing. But in the context of this poll of three unlikely things, them losing is by far the most likely of those things.

Looking at it the other way, what would have to happen for each of these to come true?

a) One of those three guys would have to win 2 or 3 majors, and Tiger would have to absolutely suck. Hah! Maybe 5% was too high.

b) During any one of six games, UConn has to be slightly off, and a frisky underdog needs to play a hell of a game and pull the upset. THIS HAPPENS EVERY FUCKING YEAR!

c) The Bill need a QB, an O-line, a D, a head coach with a clue......... yeah, call me.

Dude!

How come no one told me Kurt Warner was in a Highlander sequel?

Pushing a wheelbarrow

A lot of stuff going on, hence the radio silence, but I couldn't let this go by.



Too funny.

LOLbardi

KSK brings the LOLNFL funny again. Plenty more over there.

Stillers!!!!!!!

One for the cock, baby. Make that an extra large.

Here we go

That is all.

This is just embarrassing

I need to find a new team...



from KSK

LOL NFL

OK, all of these are good, and the AFC ones too, but this one right here has been KILLING me all afternoon.

What a day this is going to be

Let's see...

Wake up and snowblow, again!
Get the split-pea & ham soup going
Eagles - Giants
Chargers - Steelers
Golden Globe Awards

If I can even sit upright by midnight, much less type, it will be a miracle.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks - Playoffs (FIXED Edition)

OK, my spreads were ALL fucking wrong. They were on ESPN, but apparently that was an average of reader opinion or something. Here's the updated sheet.



I changed one pick, to Philly. I see that being a field goal game, max. And I REALLY don't like that Pittsburgh spread.

But then I see that's I've picked all four road dogs, and that can't be right either.

I'm so confused.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks - Playoffs

OK, just me and TJ from here, and I grabbed Toast's and Shift's prediction from over at 2G.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks - Week 6 - The Reckoning

Yep.

This is why Vegas keeps building hotels...

I think the Sands is renaming one of their rooms the Chemist Suite.

Spreads for week 6

@ATL 14.5 STL
NE 6.5 @BUF
@CIN 3 KC
@GB 9.5 DET
@HOU Pk CHI
TEN 3 @IND
@MIN 6.5 NYG
CAR 3 @NO
@PIT 10.5 CLE
@TB 13 OAK
@BAL 12.5 JAX
@NYJ 3 MIA
@PHI 1.5 DAL
@ARZ 6 SEA
@SF 3 WAS
@SD 8 DEN

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks - Week 5

Chemist's suckitude knows no bounds. And WTF kind of game was that, Eagles?

Spreads for SCLPL Week 5

Favored	Ind	Dal	Cle	NO	Pit	Mia	SF	NE	TB	Den	Hou	NYJ	Min	Phi	NYG	Chi
Spread	6.0	4.0	3.0	7.0	2.0	4.0	5.5	7.5	3.5	7.0	7.0	4.5	3.5	5.0	3.0	4.0
Underdog	Jac	Bal	Cin	Det	Ten	KC	StL	Ari	SD	Buf	Oak	Sea	Atl	Was	Car	GB

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks - Week 4

Vegas, baby. Vegas.

Are you ready for some, um, football?

Here's CBS's 1:00 lineup.


Really, Jets-Bills is of national interest? The battle of the mediocre and the bad? The game with exactly zero playoff teams participating (sorry Jets, but the Pats will win the division)? Of course it's going to get wide distribution in the northeast, but what the hell is it doing on in the south, where a good southern team is playing against another southern team? I'd be pissed if I lived in Mississippi or Alabama, just a few hours away from the Titans, so I kind of started following them by osmosis if nothing else but I can't watch them play today because I'm getting two shitty teams from New York!!! The NFL sucks balls. The most anti-consumer organization I can think of.

Here's Fox's lineup. I get the TB-ATL game at 1. Thank you thank you thank you.


No rooting interest in TB v. ATL, but at least they're playoff-type teams. Garcia! [ed: Griese!] Matty Ice! I'd also take the Colts, because blowouts are always fun. Anyway, Buck and Aikman have to be wondering how they wound up with Minnesota and Arizona.

Now, for the real football:


Oh yeah, baby. Roethslsisgegrusgreorlostsberger! Flacco! The two best defenses in the league!!!1!!eleventyone!!! A shitload of beer! Sign me right the fuck up. Why anyone has to suffer through New England - Oakland is beyond me. I'm a little too close to that green blob for comfort, actually. Keep those waves away from me, man. The Oakland suck is too strong for the New England mediocrity to overcome. It still adds up to suck.

(Maps from the506.)

Yikes

I've always thought the sports memorabilia market was insane, but COME ON!!!!