The talking trees salute you, sir

Albert Hoffman, dead at 102.

First time I dosed, Friday the 13th, 11/87, saw an Alice Copper concert at RPI. That kind of synergy can't be topped. Of course, the guys who gave me the tabs didn't know I already had a ticket to the show, and I just kind of disappeared on them, so they were all kinds of freaked out. We dosed him and lost him! About 3 hours later, I walk back into the House, and there was much relief. "You're OK!" "OK?! I'm fucking great! Let's play pool!"

Some tripping silliness (GD show at Rich Stadium, Buffalo):
Kim: Look at these trails. They're beautiful.
Angelos: I can't see your trails. They're not tangible.
Kim: Oh, yeah.

My all-time favorite, which cracks me up to this day, happened at a Jerry Garcia Band show. We were able to score three tickets, 2 on the side, one on the floor (see floor chart). Really not too far apart. Since B was there with his girlfriend R, I took the floor ticket, with the understanding that B and I would trade at some point, just so he could wander the floor for a little while.



About an hour into the show, there was a slight lull between songs, and the crowd was just mildly buzzing (no pun intended). Prefect time to get B's attention. Using my best arena voice, I turn left and yell:

"HIPPIE!!!!!!"

That's his nickname, after all.

He didn't hear me. About 50 other people did, though. As they turned to look at me, bewildered and confused, I realized exactly what I had done. I collapsed in a heap of spastic laughter, and was probably out of commission for two or three minutes. A couple guys helped me up, and asked "what was that all about?" When I caught my breath, I tried to explain. Then I started laughing again. Never mind.

I walked over to B&R, traded ticket stubs with B, and he wandered around the floor for a while, while I hung out with R.

The greatest thing I've ever said. Or yelled. Whatever.

My sense of humor is wide-ranging and all-encompassing. But the absurd... the absurd takes the cake.

The Dugout, on Roger Clemens

	HGHLOL: Are you SERIOUS? You cheated on me for 10 years with a minor! That's statutory rape!
	OldLOL: Now to be fair I only statutory raped that girl for 3 years. After that it was perfectly legal.

And so much more.

Bonus Dugout: How not to play GTA4.

Hey, let's creep TJ out some more!

Here's Hulk Hogan helping his daughter out with some sunblock.



I'm not sure what the age cutoff for this is, but I am sure it's long passed...

Lesson #1

How to throw a tirade.

25 years ago today, Cubs manager Lee Elia, um, spoke his mind.



100% NSFW.

Turn it up, and enjoy.

Jon Stewart, you almost cost me a brand new $50 keyboard

UPDATED!!!

During his take-down of the hearing over the effectiveness of "abstinence education," he was making fun of ultra-wingnut Sam Brownback.

Brownback said something about "modern culture" going against the teachings in his household. To which Stewart retorted something along the lines of "boys have a God Stick, girls have a Shame Cave, and we'll never speak of this again."

Just, of course, as I had taken a sip of my Chivas.

I'm usually up on the lingo, but those were new to me. Fortunately, I was able to redirect my spit/cough toward the general vicinity of my trash can. Still had some clean-up to do, but better that than all over my computer.

UPDATE: Here it is...

There is such a thing as too close...

Encouraging your daughter to be a porn actress: bad.

Encouraging her to work at at whorehouse: worse.

Giving her her Brazilians and other "maintenance": GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

I get spam

Subject: Aborter

Ciao,

Incrrease Sexual Enerrgy and Pleeasure!

Out. Evad. Here i swear it, and all you spirits with satyavati's
acquiescence, the nuptials approached, about him. His sergeant
saw him. You, bunthrop, by us, o puissant vrihaspati, at
once deep as it tickles one so funnily in the neck. Do you
and chapter after chapter, the fact that all swearers sink
their sharp fangs and suck up his life's will drink their
blood. And, o krishna, thou shalt both the great asuras,
resolved upon their destruction, among men and prince of
the bharata race, aditi, to shoot at. And you have not got
him? Asked another nodded, and moravia went on: but you
need not for selling the farm is the very last resource
who are given to the performance of sacrifices, was one
of the first places taken by the normans,.
isdidldhicaaaclngi.

This nation is doomed

This makes me sick to my stomach.

Because it's always fun to point out what a failure GWB is

With this record of success, of course he became president!

This is a nation of morons, after all.

This man is just a little strong

That's some torque, right there.

Link dump

Busy busy busy, and 3 larger posts in draft mode, so here are a few interesting things:

This is absolutely stunning. I want to see this happen in person, because I still don't believe it.

Living green + gender. Brilliant post.

Every time you think the wingnuts have reached the depths of stupid and immoral, you find out they just keep digging. Determined lot, they. In a sane nation, this would be beyond comprehension.

Wingnuttia in full bloom.

Your grocery bill is only going to get worse. In other news, my brewing supply shop has 5 varieties of hops. Last year at this time, it was 25.

Our soldiers are killing themselves at alarming rates.

Arson up, trending in correlation with bankruptcy and foreclosure. Who needs jingle mail? Just burn the fucking thing down!

Another most excellent FJM beatdown.

Date-rape drugging thwarted by intended victim, aided by perpetrator's own stupidity. Ahhh, to be judge, jury, and executioner for these fucking scumbags. Now, I wouldn't call an ice dancer a "celebrity," but clearly she's not "just" JoAnne in Des Moines. That I've seen this at multiple blogs indicates that the fact that this happened to "somebody" might lead to hope about increased awareness... fuck it, who am I kidding. She was smart, and she got lucky. I can't express enough how predation makes me boil. Rrrrrrgh.

If there was ever a post that perfectly attains the balance between offense and satire, this is it. To the uninitiated, this post would probably be considered a ZOMG!!! SEXIST and HE'S MINIMIZING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE post. Sorry, but no. This is pitch-perfect commentary.

In honor of what could be the best NBA playoffs is history (following a season that got me back to about a 60% interest level in the sport), we have the Duncan Face.

CBS News should just shut down.

The Army is more strict on fat soldiers than it is on criminal ones. Of course, BMI is an accurate indicator of... nothing.

A Top 50 list of awesomeness

50 best comedy sketches of all time.

Fantastic stuff; great way to kill a couple hours.

My eyes may be deceiving me...

..but I believe the Yankees just picked up what is known as a "clutch hit." Nice timing on that grand salami, Bobby.

Now let's see if the pitching can hold it.

Greetings from Philly!

Just testing out the post-by-mail system.

It's friggin' nuts down here, what withthe primary Tuesday.

Good times.

It's ectoplasm!

I've been neglectful in my South Park blogging, but the wife and I watched the last two episodes tonight off the DVR. I had seen them already, but I figured I would share.

Last week's "Eeek! A Penis!" was very good, covering
• gender identity
• trendy teaching methods (via Cartman as Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver)
• growing organs in labs
• Bill Bellichick, and all white people, cheating to get ahead (I misinterpreted the rules)
• abortion as career move

This week's "Over Logging" chronicled, quite accurately, our dependence on the internet, while sending up
• The Grapes of Wrath
• Internet porn desensitizing us to "real life" sexual stimuli
• long-distance internet relationships
• zombies

The two highlights were easily the newscasters not being able to get any news on why the internet was down, because they didn't have any internet; and, of course, Randy in the Red Cross trailer.

It's time like these I wish I could win the lottery

Seriously, who needs work when the complete papers of Charles Darwin are online? Who has time to work?

"Pew Pew" x 192 = ?

Another excellent ginormous laser project.

Not a fucking honest bone in their bodies

Cindy McCain's "family recipes" on the campaign site are exact duplicates of FoodTV recipes.

Yankees

With this pitching staff, who needs enemies?

Disgustification

TJ sent me this scary link of the 20 Worst Foods in America.

Ridiculous in terms of both content and portion size.

UPDATE: I had some stuff in draft form that I wanted to re-read before I posted.

It's wrong that that crap even exists.

I'll leave the fat-blogging to people more qualified than I (start with Kate, and go from there), but no one can tell me that this isn't part of the problem. I fully realize that "dieting," as an industry, is a crock of shit. And I realize all the "proper diet and exercise" in the world won't turn everyone into an underwear model. On the micro level, there are more issues with the politics of fat than I could list.

On the macro level, however, all I know is that at any given time, tens of thousands of people will be sitting at Chili's, Romano's, Outback, Macaroni Grill, Uno's, etc., eating a 1+ days worth of calories and 2+ days worth of fat and salt. This is bad for the national waistline and bad for national heart health.

No one should eat this crap, no matter what his size or health status.

On a tangent, do any of my readers eat at chains? Erica and I go to Uno's once a year, maybe. I do enjoy a BK or McD cheeseburger when we make a pitstop on the highway.

See, Erica and I eat very well on a daily basis. Lean meats, mostly good carbs, plenty of fruits and veggies. So when we go all out, we want to make it worth it. I want duck, rabbit, a filet mignon, something sensual and pleasurable. Throw in some rice and vegetables that have likely been smothered in insane amounts of butter (it's sick how much restaurants overuse it), and I'm probably right up there for that one meal.

But I had duck!!! Not a fucking bowl of french fries with ranch dressing.

Is part of this the financial issue? Is it because a night at at Olive Garden (ugh) or Outback the best "treat" a lot of families can do? I understand that not everyone can go to the Wine Bar, like the two of us did last time we went out.

Or is it a taste issue too? I know that even on 1/2 the budget of that last date night a month or so ago, we wouldn't be eating any of the crap that's on this list. That may sound classist, but it's more about knowledge than money. We both grew up, if not poor, on very small and tight family budgets. But we never lacked for food, fresh food that our parents cooked. Everyone in my family cooked, except for my maternal grandfather (very traditional setup in that side of the family - Opa ran the farm, Oma ran the budget and the house).

Help me out here. I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that some of this stuff exists.