Be still my beating heart

Tomorrow night, at this time, I'll rocking out in Troy, listening to one of the best.

Parents of the year

Fighting over which gang their kid should join.

My parents went through the same thing. My father wanted me in the South Saratoga Sheepfuckers, my mother in the Katskill Krauts. It got ugly for a while, but there you go.

Meet the brokers behind the disaster

The worse the terms of the loan they wrote, the more money they made.

The fisking to end all fiskings

FJM knocks another one out of the park.

Nerdtastic

Yankees update

They suck. Period.

Of course, it's quite early in the season, and they were worse last year for two full months.

I'm already tired of the announcers and their weather-related excuses. If the Royals can play in the rain and cold, the Yankees should be able to play in the rain and cold. It's that simple.

Yes, they'll go on their inevitable streak, and yes they'll make the playoffs. But this is a team that can't seem to play offensive baseball well for more than 2 innings a game, if that.

What does this add up to? Well, trying to figure out which team will beat us in the ALDS.

Why is this?

Let's go back to our (ideal) lineup:
Johnny Damon LF - done
Derek Jeter SS - still going, still 190 hits, more injury-prone with age
Bobby Abreu RF - solid, but streaky
Alex Rodriguez 3B - phenomenal
Jason Giambi 1B - done
Jorge Posada C - going downhill (nice contract year though)
Hideki Matsui DH - going downhill, streaks great or fucking abysmal
Robinson Cano 2B - good, still improving
Melky Cabrera CF - average, at best; great in the field

It's about time the talk of "great line-up top-to-bottom" and "1000 runs!!1!1!eleven!!!" and all that shit that hasn't been the case for 6+ years be put to rest.

Good enough team, and the Angels will kick our fucking asses in October.

No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die...

Everything's big in Texas.

I, personally, can't wait for whatever discoveries and practical science come from the world's most powerful laser.

Some links

Possibly the most awful thing you'll ever see. Pretty damned funny though.



A comprehensive look at the downfall of the New York Knicks.


(h/t to Bill Simmons - and his readers - for both of these)

My thoughts exactly

FJM wrote this post last night before I got a chance to.

When Morgan pulled the old "law of averages" nonsense I literally smacked my forehead. I mean, how fucking stupid can he be?

And then when the ump went down with a fastball to the temple, and they went to his microphone like it was a fucking snuff film... really, what did they expect other than shit and fuck?

I still can't decide whether this was High or Low comedy.

Mortgages in graphical form...

And that's just subprime. There are tons of "good" mortgages going into the shitter too.

Pay special attention to the correlation between construction rates and jobless rates.

Yankees.....

3 runs a game isn't going to cut it with that highly suspect pitching staff.

Mmmm, 5.4 ERA.

Must see!

Even more on the mortgage mess

Denver.

"The foreclosure epidemic has swept so quickly through this part of Denver that in less than two years, lenders took action on 919 of the roughly 8,000 properties here, according to city records. Their owners defaulted on more than $171 million in mortgages they had used to buy their way out of apartments and into cul-de-sacs. Many were buying homes for the first time, in what seemed the most affordable of the city's new subdivisions. They paid their way with easy credit — sometimes secured from aggressive lenders who appeared to look past the checkered credit histories and unstable jobs of some of their customers. Ultimately, many of the buyers couldn't afford their mortgages."

Your privacy, as it were

Gizmodo discusses the extension of the RealID deadline, and whether privacy concerns are even worth the argument any more.

Diaz makes some good points, and yes, for the most part the "privacy" cat is out of the bag.

Still, just because they've already got us by the balls, there's no reason to meekly go along with handing them a leash for our necks too...

I'm sure that never crossed his mind

Click the pic to read on....

Album review - here goes nothing

I've been avoiding this for weeks, because I don't express my emotions/feelings well, verbally or in writing. I get complimented all the time on my business/technical writing, because I speak English, which for most people is a welcome change from "out-of-the-box thinking to utilize our core competencies" bullshit. Try to express something real, though, and I go all Billy Budd.

Anyway...

Mike Doughty - Golden Delicious

(links are to the lyric sheets)

Fort Hood
“Fort Hood is the Texas Army base that has lost the most troops in the Iraq War,” Doughty says. “I visited some of the wounded troops at Walter Reed Hospital in D.C. and wondered what was going through their minds. When I first thought about using ‘Let the sunshine in…’ as the chorus, I thought it would be funny, but when I sang it, I felt myself tearing up. [‘Let the Sunshine In’] draws an obvious parallel to past quagmires, and all the vets who are suffering from PTSD. Once again the damage being done will not only be in lives lost, but in how those losses affect family, friends and society as a whole. The bridge laments the fact that instead of going to the prom, they’ve been given a burden they’re going to have to live with forever.”

“I'm not going to try to add anything to that," said Angelos, to no one in particular.

But then he went ahead and decided to snip this lyric:
I see them coming back; they’re motionless in an airport lounge

I Just Want the Girl in the Blue Dress to Keep on Dancing
Guy's playing a bar, a party, any small, crappy gig. It's cash, and you do what you gotta do. 90% of the people aren't paying attention. But there's always that girl up in front, dancing like inhibition isn't in the dictionary. This is a love song for her. An affair of the imagination, about 3 sets long, every night.

Blue girl, dance for me
The empty floor, and I said (ba-rum-pa-tum-pum)

Put it Down
Cut by the thorns, oh I must loosen my grip
Got to let the flower fall from my hand

and

My mind’s aggrieved and my belly’s ablaze
I have swallowed all the words that you said

Time to end it, girl. Typically, one does not feel the urge to do the butt-dance in one's chair while listening to a break-up song. But Doughty can do that to you.

More Bacon Than the Pan Can Handle
Um... this is a toughie. I, as a hard-core fan, get it. I've seen him live once (twice, come April 12th), and have 6 or 7 live shows downloaded, as he allows taping. To a Doughty noob, or a reviewer who was just randomly assigned this album, yeah, I see your "WTF?" and grant it to you. Basically, what started as a joke (FIRETRUCK!!!!!) has, over the years, morphed into a fantastically entertaining jam. Doughty has this keyboard where all the keys play pre-recorded vocal bits, and he just goes apeshit, with the drummer McNeal driving the pace. It has to be seen to be believed.

27 Jennifers
An oldie, from his solo acoustic demo days, reworked for a band. Funny, and true. Hell, my workplace of 26 people had 4 Jennifers at one point.

“When I went to high school everyone was named Jennifer, Michelle or Heather,” Doughty explains. “This is a salute to them.”

Fun groove, another total dance-in-your-seat song.

The nerd in me hates this line though:
You might be the one that I’ve been seeking for

"seeking"? Really?

I Wrote a Song About Your Car
I won't even to pretend to figure this one out. Sounds cool, though.

Dogged up by the rain
And at your door again
Seeking anything
I’m a roustabout
And I’m bound to roust you out


I Got the Drop on You
I won't even to pretend to figure this one out. Sounds cool, though.

Sorry isn’t good enough.


Wednesday (Contra la puerta)
A day in a lost life? An ode to the city?

Beep Josh on Sunday
Charm him into driving in from Queens
Coming up the staircase
Bringing tiny envelopes to me

Like a Luminous Girl
Another song of unrequited infatuation. Or is it? Is she really just the model in the big poster, or is she real?

Saw you in the subway station
Shining with a strange light
Girl, you’re like a weird vacation
How am I gonna make you mine?

Nectarine
My favorite of all themes. "Let's you and me get the fuck up out of here." Pretty much Born to Run, but 107 strangely twisted words instead instead of 3000 (OK, 302, I checked). And funky. Don't forget funky.

Navigating by the Stars at Night
Ennui. Depression. Shallow people. A touch of 'get the fuck out of this place.' And gimcrackery. Don't forget the gimcrackery.

Medicating in a minivan
...
Roll the road alone.


OK, I need to go to bed now, but I will continue this tomorrow, with a discussion of the overall feel of the thing, and I will try to explain how/why it means so much to me.

More on the mortgage mess

From Greg Palast, who does some excellent investigative journalism.

Of course, in another post, he cheers on Randi Rhodes, and the hateful "comedy stylings" that got her suspended from Air America. Beyond stupid. More about Rhodes here. That's just so annoying. Palast writes so much good stuff, then all of a sudden, BAM! "Look! I can be an idiot too!"

Monogany*

This is an interesting take on monogamy vs. finding your pleasure from various partners.

Aside from a couple over-generalizations, and a couple sentences where it seemed like she was going to get derailed on an ev-psych tangent, it's a very good piece.

The "lifestyle," as it were, isn't for everyone, of course. But if it works for her, that's awesome. Like a gazillion other people, she found herself divorced at 40. In wingnuttialand, she's useless, and can't have sex until she's married again. She's not supposed to enjoy sex anyway.

In the real world, she's a real person, with needs. And with options. She found what suits her best.

(*Boring sex with the same person. Coined at Domino's Pizza, Troy, NY, by Josh, Glen, Dave, and Angelos. Josh had just broken up with someone, and was talking about just playing the field for a while. "After 2 years of monogany, no need to find a 'girlfriend' right away." Of course, that was just a slip of the tongue, but it cracked our shit up. That word needed a definition, and pronto.)

Ricky Gervais on God

Awesome, and wonderfully succinct.

History! Photography! Baseball!

OK, I could just drop trou and "be alone with myself" I'm so excited.

This is so. Fucking. Cool.

Thanks so much to Petulant and his morning link-dump over at Shakesville.

Indoor soccer + hooligans + tear gas = WTMF?

Throw in cops with batons and shotguns, and it's fun for the whole family!

What the GOP destruction of America means for you

TJ sent me this wonderful link.

To the pain.

Bill James rocks

Fantastically entertaining Q&A with the godfather of baseball stats nerdery, at the always great Freakonomics Blog.

He's such a fucking wise-ass. You don't even have to care about baseball to be amused...

HEAD-ASS

I need to become an astrophysicist. STAT!

And this concludes the day in butt/ass blogging.

(h/t FJM. They're on fire, now that the season has started.)

In the Butt - Take 2

Of all the YouTube "sensations" referenced in last night's South Park episode, this is the only one I had never heard of.



What I wouldn't give to still be unaware...

Um, "thanks" Bill?

Here are the rest:







My favorite:




This one is so fucking stupid


Classic


Totally infectious


My second favorite

What what, in the butt...

Speechless.

We wahz rawbbed

KSK brings back the Patriot fan.

Seriously, that's the best accent ever.

YANKEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

Doubleyoo. Tee. Eff?!?!

I can't even begin to summarize this story.

I'm all for role-playing. But Concentration Camps?

More here.

Is there a Godwin's Law corollary that covers orgies?

More homework

Those fucking kids are gonna kill me yet. First Chemist with his "favorite historical figure" meme, now Tart with this question to the post below. I am no economist, but I do have opinions!

But first, I did call a friend of mine who works for UBS, to clear up some technical stuff I didn't understand and answer some questions I couldn't clear up with Google.

If the focus is to be on blame, I'll go with industry 60%, consumers 40%. What I'm saying is that for every 100 defaulted (or close to it) loans, loans where the customer is upside down (owes more than the house is worth), etc., in 65 of those cases, both parties are to blame, and in the other 35, it's the industry. So, that's 165 "Blame Points" (BP) to go around, of which the industry owns 100, and consumers 65.

The seed of the problem was planted 15 or so years ago, when banks really started selling off their loans aggressively, and mortgage brokers started becoming a factor in the industry.

For all these examples, I will use the same loan numbers, and ignore time value of money, opporunity cost, etc.

I will be using a $200,000 loan, 6%, 30 years. Monthly payment of $1199.10.

• At this rate, in 30 years, the bank will get its $200,000 back, plus $231,676.38 in interest.
• Now, don't forget, that's not all profit, because the bank borrows money too. From you! ABC Bank only has this money to begin with because your money is there, in your savings, checking, CDs, etc. On which the bank pays interest to you.
• Say the bank's average interest paid out rate is 4%. So that same loan cost the bank $143,739.01 over 30 years.
• Thus, the bank's take is $87,937.37. Over 30 years.

OK, we've got the basis for this lesson.

Let's look at a loan from back in the good old days:
John and Mary walk into their bank, and meet with Bill the loan officer. (Yes, banks used to have loan officers right there in your hometown; or, if not at every branch, a regional guy who would travel between two or three branches with appointments available at each, on a rotating basis.) They want to buy a house for $240,000, and have $40,000 available for the down payment, between savings and (very likely) private loan(s) from their respective parents.

Bill checks their income, their job stability, their credit rating, everything. Do you know why? Because Bill's employer, ABC Bank, doesn't want to lose money. And if Bill approves a bad loan, ABC Bank loses money. Now a certain percentage of these loans will always go bad, and that's all figured into projections of revenue streams, but bad loans are VERY expensive to the bottom line. So, too many of those, and Bill no longer works for ABC Bank. The upshot of all this: Bill might actually say "No." Look, you don't have enough income for this monthly payment, you credit isn't good enough, etc. Maybe look for a cheaper house, or come up with more of a down payment and we can lend you $180,000 instead. Still, "No" was on the table.

Anyhoo, in hundreds of branches, hundred of Bills were giving out thousands of these loans, and ABC bank knew that over the next 30 years, they had thousands of little $87,937.37 revenue streams (minus an estimated percentage of bad loans). And that's how ABC Bank made money. Borrowing money from the accounts at 4%, and lending it out at 6%.

Then, along came mortgage consolidation. Someone figured that if they packaged up thousands and thousands of loans, that's a HUGE revenue stream of "guaranteed" money over the next 30 years. How do they do this? Well, they buy the loans from all the banks.

Let's go back to John and Mary, but move the scenario to the year 2000.
1) ABC Bank writes the loan for $200,000. ABC is in line to make $87,937.37 over 30 years, with a certain percentage chance of risk, of course, but still, that's accounted for.
2) The next month XYZ Mortgage Consolidation offers to buy that loan for 1.02 times the principle right now (in other words, a 2% markup). Now, 200,000 x 1.02 = 204,000. So XYZ, in essence, is offering ABC $4,000 today for that $87K long-term revenue.
3) Peanuts, right? No! Remember, ABC now has its money back, plus $4000. That's a 2% profit. In a month. (Bonus: ABC doesn't give two shits whether John and Mary default.) ABC lends that $200K again. Sells it the next month, now it has $208,000. Let's go and say ABC Bank can lend-and-flip that same $200K every month. At the end of the year, they have $248,000. That's a 24% growth rate on that seed money. With. No. Risk.

What's in it for XYZ?
Why pay $204,000 now for 30 years worth of payments totaling $431,676? Why not just buy some CDs or bonds at 2.62% compounded? Well, that's small thinking. That makes sense for a single individual with $204K to invest, who wants his/her money relatively safe.

Let's think big. Let's do this 100,000 times! First, we raise $20,400,000,000. How? That's where Wall Street comes in. You raise 20.4 billion dollars by securitizing all this crap, and selling bonds and other instruments, most of which I don't understand.* Let's sell bonds at a 3% annual rate. You know, a "safe" investment for those who buy.

(*they don't understand either. Hence, you have what Atrios has aptly dubbed Big Shitpile. It's so sliced and diced it pretty much became a Ponzi scheme.)

So, XYZ "borrows" $20.4 billion by selling bonds, on which it pays out $612 million in interest per year. But it bought 100,000 of those mortgages, which have monthly payments of $1199.1, per month. 100000 x $1199.1 x 12 = $1,438,920,000.

That's a nice profit of $826,920,000. Per year. And that's just THIS year's mortgages. Wash, rinse, repeat. Keep buying mortgages, and paying out less in interest than you collect in monthly mortgage payments, and you're on one hell of a cash-flow gravy train.

Where did it all go wrong?
This only works if bankers are still abiding by the old rules of honestly checking the home-buyers' qualifications. Remember, though, that the bank no longer carries risk. Overnight, their concern went from "how do we ensure an as-safe-as-possible stable of loans for ourselves" to "let's write and flip as many fucking loans as we can for $4000 a pop."

Throw in the rise of the mortgage broker, who works for himself.
John and Mary go to Mark's Mortgage Brokery, tell him how much they make, what they want to spend. He writes up the numbers, and shops that around to banks until one bites and writes the loan. The bank pays him $500 out of their $4000 profit. Now they don't even need to have a Bill staffing every branch, because there are thousands of self-employed brokers doing all the "work" for them. Now, the banks and Mark want to write as many loans as they can.

This is a large part of what created the housing bubble. If the bank won't say no, everyone can buy a house. If everyone can buy a house, you have too much demand for not enough supply. And there you go.

At some point, home values just can't go any higher, and you have a correction. Or crash. And the bill comes due.

PHEW! That was a long way to go to get back to the original question.

Who's to blame?
First and foremost, this is all an industry creation. And it might have made sense, according to traditional lending rules. But they went out the window. Cause and effect.

Like I said at the beginning, in 100% of bad loans, the industry gets a "Blame Point." They're the experts, right? Once they abdicated their responsibility to say "no" to people who OBVIOUSLY couldn't afford a mortgage at all, or who could have afforded $200K but wanted $400K instead, the lender gets a BP. When the lenders created the ARM, when they knew that that $1250 monthly payment would turn into $2500 in two to three years unless the borrower re-financed or sold, they get a BP.

When does the consumer get a BP, along with the lender?

• When he takes out a loan on that stupid McMansion he doesn't need.
• When he does this. This case study is fucking astounding! Don't forget, though: they always found a lender to say yes, as long as the "market value" increased.
• When he signs for an ARM, or interest-only loan, or some other stupid concoction. You can yell about "unscrupulous" or "predatory" lenders all you want, but at the end of the day, John and Mary signed that fucking piece of paper, because they wanted their "dream home," instead of just walking away to let their heads clear.

Aren't there cases where no one is to "blame?"
Sure. Look, even in the old days of well-vetted loans, shit happened. People lost jobs, people got sick and burdened with ridiculous medical bills... shit happened. I don't mean to be callous, but that's life. The bank knew that a certain percentage of its loans would turn out bad, for whatever reason. I feel for those "certain percent" people. And as a good liberal, I certainly believe that FUCKING MEDICAL EXPENSES should never bankrupt you out of your home, but that's a whole other dissertation, handled by people more qualified than I am.

Anyway, I have work to do, so I have to be done with this.

Any comments or criticisms by people who know better, please, I want to hear them. I know I've simplified a lot, and based all these numbers on the same mortgage without even getting into changing mortgage rates, inter-bank rates, Fed rates, etc.

My brother is famous!

OK, maybe not famous. But this is pretty cool.

Should be worth some sales...

The 2008 Yankees

From LoHud

The 2008 New York Yankees:

Lineup
Johnny Damon LF
Derek Jeter SS
Bobby Abreu RF
Alex Rodriguez 3B
Jason Giambi 1B
Jorge Posada C
Hideki Matsui DH
Robinson Cano 2B
Melky Cabrera CF

Bench
Jose Molina C
Shelley Duncan 1B-RF-LF
Morgan Ensberg 1B-3B
Wilson Betemit 1B-2B-3B-SS

Starters
RHP Chien-Ming Wang
RHP Mike Mussina
RHP Phil Hughes
RHP Ian Kennedy

Relievers
RHP Mariano Rivera
RHP Joba Chamberlain
RHP LaTroy Hawkins’
RHP Kyle Farnsworth
LHP Billy Traber
RHP Ross Ohlendorf
RHP Brian Bruney
RHP Jon Albaladejo

————-
60-day disabled list
RHP Andrew Brackman
RHP Humberto Sanchez
RHP Carl Pavano

15-day disabled list
LHP Andy Pettitte
RHP Jeff Karstens

Yikes. That's a lot of money for not a lot of depth.

This could be the least home runs a Yankee outfield has ever hit. In fact, this team kinda sucks, on paper. Well, they'll figure something out. Not surprised, though, that a lot of pundits have them missing the playoffs. And I have to admit, that pitching staff and that lineup will have a hard time keeping up with the Indians or the Tigers in the battle for the Wild Card spot.

Hughes and Kennedy need to prove themselves, and quick, otherwise it's Wang, Pettite, and disaster.

Draft!

Well, we had our fantasy baseball draft tonight. Slower than it should have been, but at least no technical hiccups. I think I did pretty well.

And in the spirit of fantasy drafts, I present to you KSK's Book Draft.

Funny stuff.

And he's already better than Joe Morgan

John Mayer does play-by-play.



Dustin, you NEVER swing on yellow and blue! Don't you know anything?

Now this is how you play Thumper!

Oh, the drinking games this could inspire...

Seriousness

BBC anchor loses her shit while reading an obituary.

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Too funny.

Down the shitter we go...

Excellent. Now I can't afford to visit my father!

The U.S. dollar's value is dropping so fast against the euro that small currency outlets in Amsterdam are turning away tourists seeking to sell their dollars for local money while on vacation in the Netherlands....

That's because the smaller currency exchanges -- despite buy/sell spreads that make it easier for them to make money by exchanging small amounts of currency -- don't want to be caught holding dollars that could be worth less by the time they can sell them.

On education and more

The Dark Wraith has spoken. And he has spoken good well.

While you're there, read this on monetary policy, and this on the insanity of the "rebate" checks.

And, most importantly, this. This is why China owns us.

UPDATE: Mike brings up a good point. White text on black sucks to read. But there are other color schemes available, at the top of the left column. Read these fuckers, will ya?!

Yeah, I know it's only March 28th, but...

...this is the sports story of the year.

Hands down.

No improprieties, here. No sir.

Holy crap!



Meet Kenneth Page. Highly sought-after, highly recruited high school football player. He eventually signed with Clemson. Clemson's school color seems to be mighty similar to that of the shirt Mr. Page is wearing.

Not that I'm implying anything here.

Tommy Bowden, Clemson coach, should be quite proud of signing such a hard-working young man. Maybe Tracy can confirm this for me, but the purple strip is 100 $20 bills. So we're talking $20,000 cash right there. That's a lot of newspaper routes, shoveled driveways, mowed lawns, and other chores. And a remarkable savings ethic!

I'm sure he only took this picture down from his MySpace page because he knew he was exposing himself to he criminal element. Not because someone at Clemson FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!!!!

And in baseball news...

The Giants lost to their AAA team.

The Giants' visit to their Triple-A affiliate really was a big deal. Chukchansi Park was sold out long ago, local hero Mark Gardner tossed the ceremonial first pitch and the teams lined up along the base lines for introductions as if this were Game 1 of the World Series.

One of the squads appeared set for Opening Day, and it wasn't the Giants, who lost to Fresno 4-3.

In his final appearance before he starts the opener against the Dodgers, Barry Zito allowed four runs (three earned) over 62/3 innings against a Grizzlies lineup in which Nate Schierholtz was the Big Man On Campus, with 112 big-league at-bats. For the spring, Zito gave up 24 earned runs in 25 innings.

Yikes!!!

Do we have a potential challenger for the worst record ever?

Bootstraps, bitch!

The Republican dream is becoming a reality. But hey, she shouldn't have had kids she couldn't afford, right?

(I must say that the $2500 interest-only mortgage was pretty fucking stupid, though.)

Speaking of mortgages, that "ownership society" Chimpy McNumbskull used to love to talk about? This is how well that's going. I saw this at Shakesville a couple weeks ago. It's from the BBC. Interesting that major American media outlets still haven't picked it up.



We are soooo, soooo, fucked.

Your Republican government at work

You, know, the usual.

22-year-old with no employment history, a drinking problem, a restraining order against him, gets a $300 million government contract to supply arms to Afghanistan.

Of course, what he supplies is 30-40-year-old useless shit, leftovers from the Eastern Bloc.

Some choice quotes:

With the award last January of a federal contract worth as much as nearly $300 million, the company, AEY Inc., which operates out of an unmarked office in Miami Beach, became the main supplier of munitions to Afghanistan’s army and police forces. Since then, the company has provided ammunition that is more than 40 years old and in decomposing packaging, according to an examination of the munitions by The New York Times and interviews with American and Afghan officials.

Much of the ammunition comes from the aging stockpiles of the old Communist bloc, including stockpiles that the State Department and NATO have determined to be unreliable and obsolete, and have spent millions of dollars to have destroyed.

Problems with Albania’s decaying munitions were apparent earlier this month, when a depot outside Tirana, Albania’s capital, erupted in a chain of explosions, killing at least 22 people, injuring at least 300 others and destroying hundreds of homes.

Before the Army’s contractors began shopping from such depots, the West’s assessment of Albanian munitions was evident in programs it sponsored to destroy them. Through 2007, the United States had contributed $2 million to destroy excess small-caliber weapons and 2,000 tons of ammunition in Albania, according to the State Department.

A NATO program that ended last year involved 16 Western nations contributing about $10 million to destroy 8,700 tons of obsolete ammunition. The United States contributed $500,000. Among the items destroyed were 104 million 7.62 millimeter cartridges — exactly the ammunition AEY sought from the Albanian state arms export agency.

Albania offered to sell tens of millions of cartridges manufactured as long ago as 1950. For tests, a 25-year-old AEY representative was given 1,000 cartridges to fire, according to Ylli Pinari, the director of the arms export agency at the time of the sale. No ballistic performance was recorded, he said. The rounds were fired by hand.

On that basis, AEY bought more than 100 million cartridges for the Pentagon’s order. The cartridges, according to packing lists, dated to the 1960s. The company also hired a local businessman, Kosta Trebicka, to remove the ammunition from its wooden crates and hermetically sealed metal boxes — the standard military packaging that protects munitions from moisture and dirt, and helps ensure its reliability and ease of transport in the field. Mr. Trebicka, in interviews, said Mr. Diveroli wanted to discard the crates and metal boxes to reduce the weight and cost of air shipments and maximize profits. Several American officials said they suspected that the packaging was removed because it bore Chinese markings and the ammunition’s age.

More here.

Fuck you Jay Leno

UPDATE: The list has gotten huge! Check it out. Truly a collection of awesome.
UPDATE UPDATE: Holy carp, it's a website!
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: Moved to the top for a while. This is fun.

I have contributed the above work of art to Liss' Gayest Look For Leno project.

Full explanation here. Read that, and definitely follow the link to Jeff Whitty's open letter.

Leno has never been funny. But whatever, the mass market is for bland, tasteless idiots. What's his excuse for being total douchebag though?

South Park

Holy crap what an episode.

• Heavy Metal (as in the movie). Fantastic artwork, btw.
• Anne Frank.
• Gateway drugs, and the drug wars in general.
• Bogus excuses for addiction.
• Wives as props at public apologies.

And yes, all that somehow made sense.

Best one yet this season.

Maybe "travel" and "worldy experience" don't matter, if you're an idiot to begin with

Ugh.

Republicanism and bigotry, hand in hand...

You ain't no big dog

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Must-reads

Minstrel Boy, musical and confectionery genius, tells a great story from life on the road.

And while you're there, read the one about Parkinson's Disease, his mother, and that fucking douche that a bunch of fucking idiots elected president.

And this one too. You won't read any war story more touching in a "real" publication, or on the shoutfests known as "news."

And speaking of robots...

A little bit of funny from Mike Doughty

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When I say DANCE, you'd best DANCE, motherfucker!

It's a party in a box!

I sort your sausage!

This is the kind of thing I originally wanted to be an engineer for. Robots, baby, robots.

OK, Onion, you win.

Dude...

Meme!

The 4x4.

4 jobs I've had: telemarketer, pizza delivery/management, copy jockey, foreign language typesetter
4 TV shows I watch: Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, Modern Marvels, South Park
4 places I have been: Amsterdam, Cairo, Ephesus, Jerusalem
4 foods I like: pizza, steak, pulled pork, kokkinisto

Are you of a better class?

Friday link dump

OK, before I post a dozen more times tonight, let's consolidate:

Immigration officials promise green cards for sex
Tom Brady gives the evil eye, hearts NY
Management was "sharing" the barista tip pool at Starbucks
Should I wax my buttcrack?
Five household items that will get you off
XKCD hits my nerdy bone again
Amy Winehouse with electrical tape on her tits
Some great LOLs: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

In which Jezebel asks a very good question...

Um, can anyone tell us what makes a vagina "the most beautiful," "magic," and "special"? It's been bothering us all week.

As usual, the comments are fun to read...

The "small" names in the Mitchell Report

What about them?

Oh.

Geekery that boggles

It's a beautiful thing.

This guy has graphical representations and various ranking algorithms for any baseball number you want. And counting.

Oh, the hours I could spend here, if I didn't have shit to do.

Hilarious

Baseball writer and blogger Joe Posnanski shares three embarrassing screw-ups from his early days in the newspaper business.

I guess there's hope for us all.

Meme!

From Chemist and Fridge:

Nice and easy, no "rules," so to speak. Just list a bunch of stuff you've done that's interesting, unique, or maybe even outside the norm a little bit. At least in terms of my (your) readers.

1. Attended school overseas (from 3rd through 12th, came back for college).
2. Traveled through Europe for a month with a Eurorail pass.
3. Had an ACL reconstruction, and watched it. I didn't let them put me under, so I just had an epidural and a couple Valium. Nothing stranger than feeling bone saws and drills vibrate through your whole body.
4. Owned a company for 13 years.
5. Finished second in a spelling bee. I was in 2nd grade, and lost to a 6th grader. Fucking rhythm. Or, "rythm."
6. Built the foundation and walls of a huge stone patio. We left the surface to a professional flagstone guy.
7. Killed a deer at full run. The deer was running, that is...
8. Had photography exhibited in a real gallery. Also had a picture published in a book - one of my brother's metal sculptures for a book of metal-smithing and woodworking art.
9. Completed Century Club, Lock 'n Load, Drink the Alphabet, and Turtle.
10. Won one team and two individual golf tournaments in the same year.
11. Bowled an average of 250+ over a 3-round league night.
12. Played for a spot in the Little League World Series. Rome beat us (Athens) in the final, and got to go to Williamsburg.
13. Took acid for the first time ever on Friday the 13th (11/13/87), and went to an Alice Cooper concert. What are the fucking odds of those three events matching up?
14. At one point, I had an 11-year winning streak betting on the Travers. From Easy Goer in 1989 to Lemon Drop Kid in 1999. Didn't have Unshaded in 2000.

Well, that's all I can come up with for now. Tag: Toast, Tart, Bill.

Shut the fuck up!

When I heard Bobby F. Knight abruptly resigned from Texas Tech a month or so ago, my first thought was "that's Mr. Leadership and Values for you."

My second thought was "Oh fuck, he's going to wind up on ESPN."

Sure enough, it took less than a week. I didn't think it would be possible for anyone to make me jump for the radio dial faster than Dickie V., but it apparently is.

Booby Knight, you asshole, you... come on down!

You are the new leader in the Angelos Shut The Fuck Up Sweepstakes!

Yes, I know you're doing TV but...

For those of us listening to the radio feed of CBS TV on our 45 minute commutes, howzabout telling us the score and the game time every now and then?

I made it from work to home (granted, it was a quicker-than-normal commute because of the holiday), without knowing the UCSD-UConn score at any point in time.

WHATTHEMOTHERFUCKINGFUCK!!!!

Click the picture if you really want to feel like beating the shit out of the nearest Republican...

NCAA Virtual Couch™

OK, pinch-hitting for Toast, who is on vacation. Feel free to use this as an open thread for hoops talk.

------------

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Fuck Christmas.

March Madness leading into the start of baseball season. Oh. Yeah.

10 days of triple penetration (and don't forget good ball movement), followed by 6 months of bats and balls and going deep.

Happy Birthday to my darling wife

I love you so much.

That is all.

Amazing

Got this link from Erica. I've seen these guys on TV before. Just nuts.

Fitness!

Why is this man on the cover of Men's Fitness magazine?



Money quote:

"What you do during the offseason is, first, build a base," he said. "That takes about three weeks, and then you try to get as strong as you can before you go to spring training..."

Yeah, he's really worked on his core there...

You want fitness? Here's some fucking fitness. I have no idea who Jamie Easton is, but holy crap! (No nudity, but still probably NSFW.)


UPDATE: Ok, Bill's comment make me IMMEDIATELY think of this...


That cigarette at the driving range is a classic.

Nerdgasm - Veyron v. Typhoon

I love answers to questions I didn't have.



Yeah, I need to figure out how I'm going to get myself a Veyron.

(h/t some republican radiologist I know)

Greatest newspaper correction ever

It's almost as long as the story itself.

Moddles are tard

Jezebel does some funny.



The whole series is ridiculous.

1... 2... 3... rock!

Jeff and I spent the night at Bill's, playing with the new XBox on the new 50" TV. Sweet!

Lots and lots of good beer flowed throughout the evening.

For all the popularity of Guitar Hero and Rock Band, I've never played them. We had both at our disposal. I settled in behind the drums, and away we went. Played a bunch of practice songs, so I could figure out the mechanics of the game, and get comfortable. I could never find the perfect spot for the kick pedal, but at least got it to where my leg wasn't cramping up.

We decided to do a tour, get into a competitive mindset. Time to start a band.

3 Dorks Down was born.

For the most part, we sucked. But all of a sudden, it was 5:30 am. So yeah, I guess you could say we had some fun with Rock Band, with just a touch of Fusion Frenzy and Forza 2 thrown in.

Giggle

Click to embiggen, for a clearer version.

Talk about a missed opportunity

This should totally be called the sexapus.

Meme!

Seems to be the trend lately.

DONE!!! Thanks to Incertus and Minstrel Boy for coming over from Shakesville to pick off the last three. We'll need to do this one again soon. That was fun and mindless. And I got to imdb a lot of movies here and everywhere else (after I had guessed what I knew, of course).

Instructions: Look up 15 of your favorite films on IMDb and take a quote from each. List them below. When someone guesses the quote correctly, cross it off the list. Leave a comment with your answers. And NO CHEATING.

1. Her husband works a night shift or something, and he comes home and catches me on the floor with my cock in his wife's ass. (manuel)

2. A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish. (Fridge)

3. Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me. (Chemist)

4. I know him. He's too nervous to kill himself. Wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie. (minstrel. The toughest one by far. One of my favorite movies, which I'm sure most people have seen at least once, but I used to be obsessed with it.)

5. You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. In what world could you possibly beat me? (Toast)

6. Your doorbell. I have fixed it from the ringing. There is no charge. (John T.)

7. Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere! (Incertus)

8. I once farted on the set of Blue Lagoon. (Incertus)

9. Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam. (Mr. Furious. YAY! This was a college staple. One of the most quotable movies of all time. Criminally underappreciated for its sublime silliness.)

10. Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame. (Dark Matter)

11. I want to buy a car with pussy magnet. (Chemist)

12. This is a $4,000 sofa, upholstered in Italian silk. It is not just a couch. (Jonathan)

13. Yes! We're all individuals! (Dark Matter. Alrighty then! I still can't believe that one took so long.)

14. What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift. (Jane)

15. That's it... we're breaking up! (Jane. And it's about fucking time too!)

Question of the moment

Name, in order, your favorite live albums/DVDs. And why. Something I've been mulling over since a comment thread over at Toast's place last week. No minimum or maximum.

Only one rule: it has to be a single, contiguous, concert recording. The rule hurts me as much as it hurts you, because it eliminates a couple of my all-time favorite CDs: Ani DiFranco's Living in Clip, and Pearl Jam's Touring Band 2000. But I want one magical night, not a best of 3 or 30 dates.

OK, here are mine:

Bruce Springsteen - Hammersmith Odeon '75 (DVD)
Did I say magical? I meant unbelievable. Possibly the most cohesive band you'll ever see. And a setlist that would put most bands to shame. 33 years ago!!! I am glued to the TV when this is on.

U2 - Live at Slane Castle (DVD)
Ridiculous band, ridiculous crowd, and Bono is in perfect voice. Great setlist.

Lyle Lovett - Live in Texas (CD & DVD)
My man. This is everything music should be.

Pearl Jam - Live at the Garden (DVD)
My favorite band, playing a strong setlist, fantastic crowd participation, and Mike McReady and Stone Gossard put any and all guitar duos right in their fucking place. Every other lead/rhythm combo is fighting for second place.

Stevie Ray Vaughan - Live at the El Mocambo (DVD)
No. No. No. Stevie is God. Clapton may be a prophet. But Stevie is God.

David Byrne - Between the Teeth (VHS)
This is one of only two reasons I still have a VCR attached to my system. The other is Erica's appearance on Wheel of Fortune. In which she KICKED ASS, of course. Davd Byrne is an American treasure. And a freak. A freaky fucking genius. There is more frenetic energy in this tape than in a bus-load of ADD kids.

Nirvana - Unplugged (CD & DVD)
I cannot believe it took them 15 years to release this thing on DVD. What a night. I made Erica watch it with me a couple months ago. I don't know what she thought of Cobain/Nirvana before, but her closing remark was this - "I wish I could give him a hug." Tortured genius doesn't even begin to describe it.

BB King - Live at the Regal (CD)
The consummate showman. Classic setlist, one of the best working bands to ever exist, and fantastic interaction with the crowd. A true classic, and critically acclaimed for good reason.

Talking Heads - Stop Making Sense (DVD)
The Big Suit! Well, that's what everyone remembers, anyway. I love the way this was planned out. Not just a recording of a concert, but planning in advance to make a movie out of a concert. David Byrne, walking out with a boom box and a guitar, pressing play, and performing a crazy-ass version of Psycho Killer. Roll out the next Head. Play a song. Roll out the next Head. By the time everyone is onstage, the four Heads proper and all the great supporting musicians, you are sucked the fuck in. Another thing that just occurred to me: how many bands can say that one particular live recording of any of their songs is the definitive version? Seriously, Life During Wartime from this concert is about 5000 times better than the album version, and everybody knows it. Slippery People? Forget about it. Unfuckingbelievable. Of its time, and timeless. A work of art.

Mike Doughty - Smofe and Smang (CD)
One brilliant man, one guitar, one perfect crowd. Astounding.

Iron Maiden - Rock in Rio (CD & DVD)
Mixing metal bands live is never easy. It usually comes out like mud. This one is perfect. A crazy multi-octave vocalist, phenomenal rhythm section, and three guitarists with styles so distinct that a true Maiden fan can pick them out. Melody and harmony aren't usually associated with the public's perception of "heavy metal," but that's where Maiden made their bones. Smith and Murray are my second-favorite guitar tandem; they play off each other like only people who have played together for 28 years can. It's like that couple that finish each other's sentences. Jannick Gers, a later addition to the band when Smith took a hiatus (but kept on when Smith returned), fits in very well, and is a fantastic player. Still, Smith/Murray is where it's at.

Morphine - Bootleg Detroit (CD)
{weeps}

Judas Priest - Unleashed in the East (CD)
Back when Halford could BRING IT. Notes no man should hit without performance enhancing drugs. Or repeated kicks to the balls. The closing verse of Green Manalishi. My favorite version of Joan Baez's Diamonds and Rust. Still a juxtaposition that makes me giggle. Priest, doing Baez.

Jerry Garcia Band - 1990 (CD)
This was supposed to be a Grateful Dead gig, but keyboardist Brent Mydland died. Jerry called his buddies/frequent collaborators, and it became a JGB show. Evangeline, Dear Prudence, some Dylan. Beautiful.

OK, if you have a blog, consider yourself tagged. If not, put it in the comments, bitchez!

Wrong on so many levels

Awesome.

Meme!

OK, I've been avoiding this for a week, but The Disgruntled Chemist tagged me with a meme that's more like homework than any one I've done before. Seriously, I've answered 50+ question memes that took less time than this.

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. List 7 random/weird things about your favorite historical figure.
3. Tag seven more people at the end of your blog and link to theirs.
4. Let the person know they have been tagged by leaving a note on their blog.

First, I had to decide who my favorite historical figure was, because I've never though about it in that way before. To answer this question, I went to my bookshelf. A-ha! That was easier than I thought. Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci it is. Now I'm annoyed I didn't come up with that immediately.

Now, the hard part. What do I know about him right off the bat, before I have to cheat and do some internet research? It's been a while since since I've read any of my tomes about him and his work. So, here's how this went. First, I sketched out what I remembered without help. Then I went to the DaVinci wiki for images and links. Then, I bounced around the wiki some more for further information that I didn't remember, or didn't even know. Those instances are pointed out where appropriate.

1) As famous as he his for his paintings, very few actually survive; it's in the mid-teens. He frequently used substandard materials that just didn't stand the test of time. The main reason for this was his obsessive need to experiment. Check out the list; it's amazing how little we have from him that was 100% his and we know this with 100% certainty.

2) Legend has it that the first master he apprenticed under, Verrocchio, never painted again after they collaborated on The Baptism of Christ and Leonardo's work far outclassed the master's. Most likely exaggeration. (wiki update: it is thought that perhaps Boticelli worked on this painting too.)

3) He was considered a very good looking man, likely the model for Verrocchio's David. His sexuality has been much speculated about, and he was even tried for (and acquitted of) sodomy with three other young artists of the time. The consensus is that he was gay, because so few women figure prominently in the thin historical record of his life. Or, was he more of a libertine, an equal opportunity lech? Who knows?

4) I don't know if this is "random" or "weird," but when you think about it, has anyone had his work more parodied than DaVinci? Between the Last Supper, the Mona Lisa, and the Vitruvian Man, the number of parodies/homages has to number in the thousands. The only other one that comes close is the Creation of Adam portion of the Sistine Chapel ceiling, by Michelangelo.

5) As good as his paintings were, his sketchbooks and journals show the true nature of his genius. Thousands of pages of, well, everything. His study of the flow of water led to advancements in knowledge of bridge building and erosion. He described "planetshine" (though with some erroneous assumptions) well before its existence was proven (wiki update: 100 years later, by Kepler). His theories to explain why fossils could be found in mountains came 100s of years before plate tectonics were but a gleam in science's eyes. And that's just in the Codex Leicester! Half a percent of his estimated page output! Anatomy, biology, flight, bridges, botany, engineering, 100s of inventions... just fucking everything. OK, now I'm depressed.

6) Yes, he did write in mirror script, as portrayed in The DaVinci Code. There is no "accepted" explanation for this. Was it an attempt at code? Or, as a lefty, did he find it easier to write from right to left? The code one really is the least likely. Come on, how difficult would that be for someone to figure out? That's a pretty fascinating link, actually. Check it out.

7) Bridge ideas that he sketched 500 years ago are quite viable. In the planning stages is a 720-foot bridge that will span the Golden Horn. He designed it in 1502, for Sultan Bayezid II. The plan was announced in 2006. I am so going to Turkey when that puppy opens. Here's a smaller replica of the same bridge, built as a footbridge in Norway. (wiki update: this whole item. I was tapped out after 6.)

OK, Chemist, you owe me three hours of my life back. I'll tag Bill, Mike (though he's somehow neglected to put me on his blogroll), Melissa, Fridge, litbrit, Mr. Furious (though he's somehow neglected to put me on his blogroll), and that's pretty much all I've got that Chemist didn't already cover.

Aside - here are the works I've seen in person:

Movie Review

Failing author, once famous but now can't even get published. Talented wife, who has to write and submit articles on the sly, so as to not upset his massive but fragile ego? Two sons, bouncing back and forth emotionally between the two "adults" even when everyone was in the same household, and then throw in the physical back-and-forth after the inevitable separation.

Ahhh, who to hate more?

The father, played by Jeff Daniels (ostensibly playing a future version of his Flap Horton character in Terms of Endearment)?

The older son, who strives to be an arrogant, miserable prick just like his dad?

The younger son, with his... well, I'll leave the joy of that discovery to you?

The mother (Laura Linney), who takes passive-aggressive to new heights? Not that she wasn't 100% justified in a few of her larger actions, but still.

So, are you sold yet?

OK, this is actually a worthwhile watch, though rather short and with a questionably abrupt ending. The actors were all excellent. Linney and Daniels are solid as usual, and the two kids were fantastic. It was the first major role for the younger one, Owen Kline, the son of Kevin Kine and Phobe Cates. Jesse Eisenberg's been working for a while, but I hadn't seen any of his movies. Well played.

Some excellent literary-nerd dialogue, a couple bone-chillingly awkward moments, a few belly laughs, a few cringes, some swearing at the television screen. Almost an aerobic workout.

3 stars.

Movie Review

A chance encounter at a busy cafe leads to unlikely romance between the stiffest man on the planet (an accountant working for the Chancellor of the Exchequer), and a rather reserved, demure younger woman.

On a lark, he asks her to accompany him to the G8 Summit. That's where all hell breaks loose. Well, as loose as hell can break in a very reserved, British manner, of course.

A wonderfully touching movie. At turns hilarious (if for nothing else than the awkward dynamic between the protagonists), depressing, infuriating.

Bill Nighy (Constant Gardner, the Pirates trilogy, Hot Fuzz, Sean of the Dead, many more) plays his role perfectly. You feel for him even as you're aggravated by him. Kelly Macdonald (Gosford Park, Finding Neverland, No Country for Old Men), is fantastic. I don't want to spoil anything, but there are reasons for her alternately reserved yet combative nature. She just nails it. Great role, great performance.

4 stars.

No, we're not done here...

Let's play compare and contrast!



On your left, the results of Tuesday's storm. We got 6 more inches Wednesday, 8 more last night. Thus, we have the picture on the right. And it's supposed to snow some more.

I am not remotely qualified...

So... Mike Doughty's new album, Golden Delicious, came out 10 days ago (2/19). Eager with anticipation, I stopped at Best Buy right after work. Their new releases are usually $9.99 loss-leaders, and I have some Rewards coupons. I figured I'd walk out of there with a $4.99 album. They didn't have it. In fact, they didn't have his first album either. Not even a Doughty section in the Ds. WTF?!?! Walk over to the S area, and sure enough all the Soul Coughing stuff is there. Fuck me.

Drive home, all pissed off.

See if I can find a torrent. 1 seed, not working well at all. Nothin' doin'. Go to Amazon, order the fucking thing. Wednesday, I wake up to an e-mail that my purchase has been shipped. Awesome. Sometimes, when you select free shipping on Amazon, they throttle your order at the warehouse. But once it hits the mail, you're golden.

Stupid me, being optimistic. Friday rolls around, still nothing in the mail. Fuck that noise. Back to the torrents. A few more seeds available by now, and by 10pm, I had it.

Seven days, 20+ listens, and I'm still working on a review. I just can't express my love for this album in words with which I am happy.

Up with a mediocre review, I shall not put!

So, you'll just have to wait. Meanwhile, go buy this album.

Side note: The CD came Tuesday. One week in the mail. Of course, as I was sitting in my 2.5 hour commute that day, I realized that I had picked up his first album, Haughty Melodic, at Barnes & Noble, where they're much more likely to carry more esoteric stuff. AAARRRGGHHH, why didn't I fucking think of that a week ago?!?!?!? I am a big stupid.